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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Let's talk about Sex

We squirm at the thought of our parents still having an active sex life in their golden years. We deny the fact that they had sex for our existence. I even doubt if my parents know anything other than missionary.

Asians have a lot of sex, maybe even more so than our Western counterparts (with so many sleazy business available) but few talk about it. It's not easy to share this aspect of our lives; children, grandchildren and friends often react with disgust.

But we should.

Why? So we share information and become aware of pap smears (to conduct once every 3 years once sexually active), cervical injections and STD prevention.

It's not kiss and tell, sharing amongst the sisterhood, we can relate, dissipate and distribute this energy which can hopefully create a meaningful social change or phase shift.

From my overtly inquisitive nature and blessed with an attractiveness that makes people feel comfortable divulging, i found that

1) I am not the only one who grew up in a household where boys were favored

While it is less common in present days, there is at least 2 of my girlfriends who faced the same as me. Older people have an abundance of experience but are very often ignored. I spoke to some women born in the 50s and found that they had it much worse with the gender inequality!

Some were dressed up as boys as toddlers, some were not even given a name because the father couldn't be bothered to. It jerked a tear or two hearing the latter comment.

2) Most women don't enjoy giving oral sex
but the ones who do says it makes them powerful.

3) First marriages before the 80s were often loveless affairs fueled by tradition and duty with a begrudging tolerance of extramarital affairs
Its funny how society have evolved and modernized in some ways yet in other ways still have much to change. For a start, there are no longer arranged marriages in Singapore but there still are couples who marry because they want to move out of a parent's home or because they're no more fresh flowers. "Want to get a HDB?" is still a proposal line for many.

You would think that in modern times, a woman has no need to tolerate extramarital affairs but surprisingly many women still do, including myself.

4) Sex was for reproduction
Before the 80s, not many women have sex for enjoyment. This makes them sound like animals really. Today, women are enjoying sex as much as men do and in fact may be even having more.

I had a friend who was excited about being deflowered on her wedding night and couldn't stop asking around for tips. However, after her wedding night when I probed her for her experience, she shrugged her shoulders and said "sex is overrated." Thereafter, she refused to speak again about sex.

It must have been a bad first time. She isn't helping herself by being tight lipped about it.

5) Not all women orgasm
I met a lady who at age 65 still has not orgasm and finds she isn't losing much. If you hadn't won lottery before, you wouldn't get hooked on gambling. For women, there are many other ways to make us feel satisfied. Like shopping and spas.

From all the stories heard, i realised that Asian women tend to live very much for others than for themselves. They are born to be the least favored sex in traditional culture, therefore striving to win favour in their parents and society. They then blossom to be ladies and start living for their boyfriends, tolerating cheating ways or staying with less-than-perfect choices. Soon after, they become mothers and live for their children, husband and family.

When then do women start living for themselves?
Don't let social obligation stand in your way.

1 comment:

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