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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

How-to take flattering beach shots.

I'm not a person obsessed with sitting in front of the computer, spending hours editing pictures. So here's the cheat sheet to take flattering angles so you won't have to get cramped fingers and a stiff neck later.
1) Get your hair tangled. And have water running down your body like drooling saliva is always a winner.
2) Lean your body weight to one side to create the hip swagger-curve.
3) Bird's eye view for a stream-line silhouette.

4) Seek inspiration from Gollum from Lord of the Rings for poses. Leaning over also gives you a fuller cleavage.

5) Again, the hip swagger movement PLUS one leg in front of the other gives you the illusion of a small waist.
6) Lastly, tippy toes for longer legs.

Patience is a Virtue

I don't have that virtue. Yesterday was the last of my dress making class at Toa Payoh East CC. As you already know my reasons for learning sewing, i deduced dress making is NOT my thing. I am glad that i signed up for the community center ($60 for 8 lessons) instead of going to a private center that costs as much as $300 for 9 lessons. The only difference is, at the community center, it's one teacher to a min.of 12 students compared to 1 teacher to 2 students privately.

Still, it was a good taste of sewing. Essentially, you need these tools to make anything.
Once you get the hang of it, sewing is actually easy. The difficult part was mastering the technique and knowing how to take measurements and translating it onto paper then onto cloth. Be prepared to not learn any theory at the CCs. I don't know if it's better/easier at the private schools, but alot of students dropped out after the first lesson.

1) the teacher, an old lady is better in Mandarin than in English
2) she won't teach you the terminalogy of sewing, the parts of a sewing machine etc. You pretty much use your own judgement to  see, copy, & do. Many times, i'm exasperated because i want her to explain to me why we have to fold a certain way, sew a certain way. But sewing is something that you can't explain. There's a whole secret langauge for sewing. Terms like kiap,& niap.  Tik it together essentially means to hold it together.
3) you do not learn independence as you rely ALOT on the teacher to pin the peices together for you. She does that, then asks you to go sew according to the lines you've drawn. It's very straightforward. Many times, i don't understand why and what i am doing. I simply follow blindly but it ain't difficult to figure out. Just work backwards and review your work.

After 8 gruelling lessons, i finally completed my top.
It's such a simple top with no details nor frills but already i was tearing my hair out!
Full of threads inside, the sleeve was the hardest to put together.
But such satisfaction because it fits me to the T. Despite the low back cut, it sits on my shoulders without slipping. This is because it's made to my measurements and i designed it.
I learn to appreciate craftsmen more and i understand why hand-made clothing is alot more expensive now. This has taught me to EARN ALOT OF MONEY so i can just buy any design i fancy and not resort to making my own. I guess i shall shelve this for now because i don't have the patience to figure out how to sew. I will pick it up when i retire perhaps. Then again, i doubt i will have any fashion sense as a grandma.

But i can make my husband DESIGNER grandpa diapers!
Futuristic, practical and RE-USABLE.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Kungfu Moves

I love Kung Fu movies! Without fail, i always fall in love with the male lead (Jet Li in his wong fei hong, Donnie Yen in Ip Man) and i'll rewind, play rewind play pause the DVD. It's an orgasmic private time for me.
Dirty butterfly dance
Celestial virgin leap
Jumping panda strike

How will you caption this move?

Can Singapore Really Dance with Delight?

My mum as any anxious parent would enroll me into dance at an early stage. We were taught to plaster on our forced smiles and no matter what, ALWAYS SMILE even if you forgot your steps, even if you miss a step, even if you don’t want to smile.

The reasons why I did dance was

1) in Nanyang Primary, if you’re not in dance, you have to have hair as short as a boy’s.

2) parents have this prophecy whereby if they didn’t do this when they’re young, their children are meant to fulfil that dream they have. Guess my mum always wanted to play with fans and think she’s some Chinese fairy

3) we get to skip classes for performances and we can play with make-up (but boy i hate those rosy cheeks and super red lipsticks! Nude is IN now MUM!!)

But my Chinese dance teacher was exasperated with having me on her hands and complained to my mum I was such e lazy arse! At least, I made the teacher happy and mum proud by keeping my fake smile.
Nowadays, tt seems like smiles no longer set the stage for dance competitions. Like what i saw on Sat, outside Takashimaya at the Dance Delight heats. The FIERCER you are, the better you intimidate the judges. To prevent wetting their pants, they quickly give you the best scores so they can rush off to release themselves.
Singapore has long been ridiculed about us not having real talent. I.E our winning table tennis players being imported etc. With Dance Delight now recruiting in Singapore, the winning team will compete internationally in Japan with the best from other nations.

And if you ever drink some other dubious sparkling beverage other than F&N, be sure this instructional dance video will come useful.

I have heard of learn English audio tapes and I have seen instructional dance videos. Here’s what you get when both combined. The ingenious Japanese comes up with learning English and exercising at the same time.

I think i discovered the training secrets of Japan's Dance Delight team.

How will Singapore compare in the international compeition? Watch this space.
Got to admit, it's pretty creative in reviving your sex life after 30 years of marriage.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

It's not True!

Lately, i came across a few scams. Ok, i won't really call it a scam because it is a legitimate business and you DO get something out of it but it's a question of ethics.

1) Model Agencies
These "talent scouts" at the MRT get your details and invite you to join their agency. Believing finally your luck has come and you're spotted (shouldn't it already happen long time ago?!), you're excited. I was in the vicinity and was waiting around for a friend, so i sat down in their "office" at Dohby Gaut. I observed the other "models" they scouted....they are puberscent. Innocent, hungry, gullible and pimply.

Well, i wouldn't just brush off those wannabes just like that. You never know, spot ugly ducklings turn them into swans, they become your cash cows. But you see, the catch was, in order to join the agency, you've to pay X amount for a "portfolio". After that you're officially your model and they market you. This does NOT guarantee you modelling jobs because well you have to look like one before clients contract you. Thus, you just paid for a makeover (you didn't need) and not to become a model. But IF you do want a makeover done anyway, then why not. Kills 2 birds with one stone, provided the agency don't charge you a ridiculous package. So do your homework. They might ask you for more money after though, other excuses like composite cards and what nots.

These agencies seem to go for quantity more than quality.

2) Steven Lim
I first encountered him outside Tangs when i was 19. He asked to pluck my eyebrows for $10. I was taken aback and amused AND terrified he was going to force himself onto my eyebrows. The next time i saw him was him and his bright yellow trunks on national TV. I don't want to post his photos here because i don't want to have a record of repulsive photos (the whale penis is not disgusting right?) Of late, 2 of my friends encountered him. 1 a guy and the other a girl. Here's how it went:

SL: Hello hello you know who i am??
My friend:
SL: Huh! How can you not know me! I am famous.
My friend: (thinks well not that famous till i know you)
SL: ANYWAY, i think you can join my model agency! $100 to join. My client is Mediacorp!

You get a no-makeover photo shoot, no-studio video log and voila! That makes you a model. He probably gets you roles as calefares in Mediacorp that pays $4.50 an hour. If he takes a cut, good luck to you in covering your transport even. Oh well, but Fiona Xie started as a calefare to being a Caldecott Princess. Except Steven's models don't exactly look like Fiona Xie. BUT....television and even print sometimes need average looking people to look realistic!

Steven is advertising for a girlfriend. He asks that "you not have any boyfriends, strictly as pure as virgin including non self-gratifying, faithful and preferably tall and damn pretty and willing to help out in keeping my room sparkling clean and tidy (wah, you mean there's no marital house? you'll be confined to his room)........don't apply because i am rich. Apply because i am Steven Lim."

3) Herbal Life
I was stopped by 2 young girls this afternoon outside Takashimaya. I thought it's another case of the above. They praised me non-stop, saying my hair, my eyes, my figure.....and they said they need my help with a survey. I wasn't in a rush, and i understand how difficult this job can be (sometimes they're not paid hourly but get 5 cents per survey or something) so i said Ok. Then they asked me to follow them into Takashimaya. I asked why is it not the usual clipboard + survey and conduct on the spot. They said the security guard is very mean, he don't allow them to do that. But i saw other such people doing such street surveys! I found it odd. I asked them what are they surveying, they said "singaporeans on their fitness and nutrition levels." I asked what for "they said Bods-something." Nonetheless, i followed them. Everything seemed dodgy, i was abit afraid they were going to abduct me. I was looking for an opportunity to bolt, but they seem to know i was going to. So they offered to help carry my bag etc. They said the survey spot is not far "At Chanel". It's NOT at Chanel. I followed them into the lift, up to the xth floor. They didn't abduct me, but they took my height weight and fat (to cook and eat me).

They said my ideal weight is 45kg and i am 2kg off. I told them i do not want to be 45kg, but they kept persuading me that i should and tried convincing me i am fat. I suspect that weight-height chart they have is rigged. I was never told to lose weight, other than when i was 52kg. So anyway, i told them i am not interested in whatever weight loss products they are trying to sell. I remained polite because they were polite. I remained nice because they were nice. After all, everyone needs to make a living. I don't fault them.

What i was miffed about was, 1) they weren't honest. They said it was a lifestyle survey and when i ask them which company, they didn't say Herbal Life (which i know is a MLM company), not only did they not say, they said ANOTHER THING! So that's totally dishonest.

So there you go, if you encounter the above 3 incidents, be informed, be aware.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Green with Envy

Never be envious, for it holds you back in achieving your potential.
Envy is like a mental cancer, it eats away your soul and makes you bitter.

There is nothing to envy about Mischa Burton.

Even though she looked like a Glamour Puss.
or like a Golden Girl.
She's just a Gold Digger,
Like all of us.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Asian BF vs Ang Moh BF

I wonder why there're more stereotypes about Asians than Westerners. Other than calling the Westerners Ang Moh (which is not degradtory in my opinion) and thinking they're more promiscious, that's about it. Then again, i guess there are stereotypes about the Ang Mohs according to their nationality.E.G everything about the Americans is super sized.

If you haven't youtube Russell Peters, you should. He's HILARIOUS. Esp the racist episode, mainly on his own race (Indian).

My dear friend who is in a mixed race relationship himself, tagged this video to his gf in FB. I thought it was very nicely done. The average looking Asian dude actually has a hot ang moh gf!
 Rarely western girls go for asian guys, but that's because they really don't know what they're missing! Asian men might not be tall and tough, double eyelid with a strong jaw but they're very doting and responsible. And traditional Asian man always feels the responsibility to provide! They could, however be more possesive and see the woman as the subserviant role.

That being said, it's universal that men do cheat. Regardless of race. But i've always thought that if an Asian man cheat, he tend to keep it under wraps because face value is very important to the yellow skin. It is considered shameful, plus the Aunties will talk. However, if its a westerner who cheats, he comes clean and confesses because well they're more "honest" in that sense. But of course, there're those who do it without a guilty conscience.
Ironically, Asian women will prefer NOT to know about the man's unfaithful actions, or pretend not to know though. In China, a man's success is determined by the number of mistresses he keeps.
They're both my friends and although they weren't match-made by me, i still feel kinda honoured i witnessed them officially getting together. My housemate (the girl) came home tipsy one night, and the boy being the typical Asian man who doesn't take advantage sent her home and called me out to receive her. I think the girl never expected to be with an Asian, but guess what..she did..and she ain't looking back.

This Asian  boyfriend  took her to cities to introduce his culture, bought her many presents,played the perfect boyfriend in many ways and his parents dote on her too. His mum cooks for her, his aunt does her nails, his sister does her hair..and i'm exaggerating. So, if we have SPGs, that what is an Asian boy with an Ang Moh girl? If SPGS are judged, why are the men not judged?

Shyanne asked me if there's any different dating an Asian and an Ang Moh. Well, i don't really have many boyfriends to compare. I only had 2, the first being Chinese Singaporean and i was attached to him for 3 years. My current one is Eurasian, so that don't make me an SPG does it?
I would think though that an Asian woman might be more submissive than the Ang Moh version. Thus, the many Ang Mohs who have the yellow fever. I once witnessed an Ang Moh husband who asked his wife to get him a beer, she shot him a dirty look and immediately he apologised and said he'll clean the dishes!
Let's see...
My boyfriend

  1. never judges me even when i tell him my most evil thoughts

  2. laughs when i "misbehave" in public (while the Chinese guy will probably think i "throw his face" by acting un-ladylike? OK, i can't generalise. There was this one Ang Moh date who FROWNED at me when my chair screeched in the posh restaurant as i got up. I then subsequently squirted the hot Tiger prawn juice in his eye when i tried to de-shell with my fork and knife. That was the last time he asked me out.) I would use my hands and LICK my fingers after, and my boyfriend still would love me as i am...err...HOPEFULLY.

  3. is not possessive. He understands due to my character, i tend to have more male friends than females. He supports my social life but shows jealousy at appropriate times. My Chinese ex called me a slut when i went roller-blading with 2 male friends (but not behind his back!). It was very hurtful, having your bf label you that.

  4. has better fashion sense. Most Chinese men think its embarrassing to be labeled as metrosexual because that's just gay.

  5. is not boring because he has more experiences to share. Because of their culture to move out at 17, they've seen more/done more compared to the Singaporeans who move out when they get married.

  6. is good looking. Let's admit it, all Asian girls dream about mating with an Ang Moh. Not because we're SPGs, but for the fact of producing mixed babies! Look at Denise Keller, Shan Wee etc.

  7. cooks all the time.

  8. washes the dishes....OCCASSIONALLY. Normally, the girl cooks AND wash for the Chinese men.

  9. does not carry a woman's handbag which we see very commonly in Singapore.

  10. makes decisions. When i was younger, one of my laments about men was why aren't they decisive enough?! Our conversations are always like this
Girl: Go where?  Guy: Up to you.
Girl:xxx?            Guy: Anything

Girl: Eat what?  Guy: Up to you.
Girl: xxx?          Guy: Anything.

Then, i figured maybe the men are just being nice! Letting you have your pick. In actual fact, it irks me. Indecisive men irritates me, which is why i am turned on by men in uniform. They are strict, disciplined and assertive, supposedly.

As i grow older and starting going out with older men, i realised age matters! I love it that my boyfriend orders me drinks when he knows i know nuts about them. He decides what i will like based on my character and orders accordingly. It's like having a personal drink mixed for you.
I can go on and on about his qualities but honestly, i really don't think a certain race makes a better partner.

Ang Moh or not, if a man cherishes and treasures me...
He is my man.
Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure.

Slut in Context

Hardly known as a 玉女 (wholesome girl), Pamela Anderson is famous for upsizing then downsizing then upsizing again her chest. She has 2 public sex videos, is an official Play Mate, performed strip tease, produced a reality programme Pam: On the Loose, and married/engaged/divorced four times.

Despite knowing all of that of Pamela, she actually looks classy and sophisticated doing the Cha Cha Cha.

However, as soon as she stops dancing, the persona she is famous for returns. Who is willing to put a wager that she hasn't slept with her dancing partner yet?

Arabian Night

This birthday boy is always so generous with his parties. Last year, he hosted the 70s theme. This year, it's Ali Baba.
The very nicely decorated Nabins found at Sultan Gate (near Arab Street).
Sisah available, take someone there for a different environment.
The lamb was tender, there was quite a selection. I recycled my $55 Indian dress which i will otherwise only wear once. Suits the theme mah!
He also had a belly dancer employed. She's so sexy that i have a sudden urge to learn belly dancing too!
I've a friend who  is absolutely obsessed with fitness, that he MUST have a woman with a flat tummy. But i'd like to ask him, if he has a girl THAT sensual but alas she has a slight tummy (although she makes that tummy sensual with belly dance), will he accept? I haven't got the answer. Got to ask him first.
On a seperate note, i think it's always easier for guys to know girls if a) they have a dog or b) they are in costume.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Friday, March 19, 2010

Life's Difficult Choices.

Of late, i've been conducting a little survey around..i asked men if they would prefer a Mermaid or a Centaur (woman-horse) The million-dollar question. Little Mermaid was my favourite cartoon since childhood. More than Beauty & the Beast because it has the element of fantasy, of a different world under the sea. I watched it countless times, even till now, i still can vaguely remember the song lyrics from the cartoon.
An asian version.
I used to sing when i am bathing, pretending i am in Disney performing on stage. When i was in the swimming pool, i pretend i am Ariel. Yes, i have a very wild imagination. I too, love Mermaids.

So naturally, men chose the mermaid over the centaur. I asked why?
Centaurs can be quite hot too, just with a heavy bottom. Your wife after giving you a child, WILL ALSO have a HEAVY BOTTOM.

Well, the men protested that mermaids are just more exotic and erotic. pointy boobs for me.
But i thought i'd go for the centaur. After all, it's WARM BLOODED. And who doesn't like to touch furry animals?! Fishes are cold and wet and scale-ly.
The side view looks kinda appealing. This woman MADE that costume on her own, by the way. My friend however commented, "Naah. I won't go for a centaur just in case she compares me with the other horses. They're well-hung."

So mermaids seem to be the popular choice. Indeed they're beautiful creatures.

The model is using a skill called free diving. It is an extreme sport that you have to hold your breath while underwater. People compete in how how far they can go with one breath. Their legs fused together temporary, they do the dolphin kick for speed.

Here is one that shows the actual sport, without the fancy model-y shoot. The music is absolutely enchanting.

So, you think you really prefer a mermaid to a centaur?

There're real life mermaids too.
This poor baby is born with a deformity. Her legs are fused together, forming a tail. Dubbed the mermaid syndrome, it could be a fatal condition as it affects her internal organs. I wonder how she passes motion. Plastic surgery is employed to seperate her legs.

I remember seeing a real mermaid at the Ripley's Believe or Not museum. As it is appropriately found in the Believe or Not museum, it is up to your own deduction.
Some said it's found on the shores of Philippines or Thailand (it's closer to us than you think!), some said its a hoax. Where people fuse a monkey's torso with a fish bottom. Sounds possible, looks believable but still eerie.
So if mermaids really exists, it might not be as pretty as you think. It could be a nightmare. Now you want the furry animal?
Such a haunting picture! Better give you something easier on the eye. Haha!
By the way, if taken out of the children's cartoon context, Disney's Little Mermaid song actually sounds lurid!

"Darling it's better
Down where it's wetter
Take it from me"
- Song Under the Sea

Thursday, March 18, 2010


In the height of the Jack Neo saga (who remains number one on search engines), there's actually a reality show on catching cheating partners. In these days, anything can be spun off for entertainment.

One has to be cheated on, to know what it feels. It's shattering, heart breaking and heart wrenching.It takes a strong woman to recover from the hurt, it takes a hopeful man to believe in relationships again.

Still,it's rather entertaining to watch. As with the voyeuristic generation now, it's fun to watch as long as it's not happening to you.

This video shows that men not necessarily choose a hotter woman to cheat with. The wife, however, is one of the calmest victim, albeit like Jack Neo's wife.

It's not only men who cheat,but women do too. Look at this two-timer.She plays the blame game some more!

A very strict principle that i set myself with is to never make excuses/reasons to cheat. If you're unhappy in your relationship, feeling emotionally/physically unsatisfied, either communicate this with your partnership and seek solutions otherwise JUST break up. Do not let the problems boil within you till you slowly find yourself gravating towards someone new. A common practice of humans are you know that person you're with right now is not ideal, yet you still stay on because you're waiting for that someone ideal.Its human's nature to put one's self first,and the insecurity you feel (what if that ideal person just NEVER happens?)Does that mean you'll settle for second best?

It gets better and better. There're all sorts of cheaters out there. This fight! Wife sees mistress as enemy at first. Towards the end, both women joined forces and turned on the man. But this one hor..look suspiciously exaggerated and scripted.It's a different host too but same concept. They ALWAYS start off with the excuse "She's/He's ONLY A FRIEND!" I hate liars. If you did it, be a man and own up.

To a man, even if you don't sleep with another man, so long as you feel emotionally attached, he deems you guilty. So i wonder to a woman, does it feel a teeny bit better if it's a stripper that he's cheating with? Because it's not emotional? This guy is still so relaxed man! Nonchalent. Grrr...gets my blood boiling.

Guess it's not any better!Could be worse. You think your man's dirty, you worry if he brought home some disease. Then again, strippers and hookers could be cleaner than the regular girl. Because it's their profession, they're strict in getting regular check-ups etc.

The puppets do a spoof.

Back to the better host, i like this guy!He's like this justice seeking mediator. It's amusing though, towards the end of the clip, they advertise an ONLINE COMMUNITY for NO Cheaters!Create your online profile and meet like-minded singles.Fun & easy way to meet a faithful single in your area. This is the most exciting video, complete with "sex scenes" and involved a child.

Although all is fair in love and war, (they're not married yet) but it is downright despicable cheating on your best friend with her boyfriend. If you had told her BEFORE doing anything....maybe just maybe it could be better.

I know of a friend who's boyfriend cheated on with her SISTER! Guess what, he made her sister pregnant somemore!

You know, some people after having a cheating experience can't trust again. It brings paranoia into the next relationship.To some, they don't believe in marriage anymore.

When you're a victim, if you do give a second chance (nothing wrong in believing in second chances (because he/she says he/she looooves you. *rolls eyes*) no matter how many of your friends say to ditch him/her.It really ain't easy), for a long while you will use that affair as your trump card.

You keep playing it because you know he/she'll feel guilty and thus you have the upper hand. However, when you choose to forgive a cheating lover, you have to just let go. Soon, that trump card will lose its power and the relationship will just deterioate because he/she can't stay guilty forever. He/she will just feel beaten over and over again and decide to just move along, if it makes you happier. So if you really do want to give a second chance, then sincerely give it.

And please, don't take revenge. Or it'll end up a viscious cycle. I always believe other may do you wrong, but you should never do others wrong. At least you've a clear conscience.

For the cheating partners, know that you have betrayed your lover's trust. No matter how justified your cheating reason might be, it IS wrong. For that, you've to repay with patience and perseverance that it'll take time to heal her/his broken heart and to trust again. Times, you'll be exasperated because they keep using the trump card but persevere because you need to prove you deserve that second chance.

Rule of the thumb, never do something against your conscience. You'll get found out, some way or another. My friend caught his wife cheating, he was RIGHT BEHIND she and her lover in Orchard Road. Talk about coincidence.
Why can't humans stop being monkeys, and learn to be like the penguin? They are known to mate for life. Penguins are known for their monogamy, sacrifice and child-rearing.
Although the Emporer penguin is one of the rare few who does not mate for life, but it is still a serial mater (throughout the mating season, same partner).

The Emperor Penguins use a particular spot as their breeding ground because it is on ice that is solid year round and there is no danger of the ice becoming too soft to support the colony.

After the female lays that ONE egg, she transfers it to the feet of the waiting male with a minimal exposure to the elements, as the intense cold will kill the developing embryo. The male tends to the egg when the female returns to the sea, now even farther away, both in order to feed herself and to obtain extra food for feeding her chick when she returns.
For an additional two months, the males huddle together for warmth, and incubate their eggs. Talk about house husbands!
The ingenious fight against starvation is a recurring during this reproduction process. Here's a fun game that pretty much follows the process of hatching. Tip: make your penguin go round in tight circles, like this you make your egg warm faster and you avoid things knocking into you.
This will be my wedding gift to friends now. I will make them by hand, using felt. To remind the newly-wed couple to be like the penguins. It's not only doggie style ;p
Sometimes, you've to take a leap of faith.
“Penguins mate for life. That doesn't surprise me much because they all look alike. It's not like they're going to meet a really new, great looking penguin someday.”
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