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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Japan IS for real.

Dear Diary, 
I have so many pictures to show and stories to tell that i don't know where to start! My second time in Japan was a lot more risque compared to last June when i went with single friends. The kinkiest the last time round were the used underwear for sale for SGD 15 a pop. This time, i not only saw the blow-up dolls, i even experienced a role play cafe! Oh the irony that i went with the parental units this time.
Hakodate in Hokkaido is like a dead town. We pretty much didn't see anyone in sight. This is the birth place of Royce and the Rum & Raisin was especially juicy and alcoholic. It's meant to be summer, yet the weather was freezing. First we went up to Mt Hakodate which is supposedly the world's third most beautiful night view. You can only advance up the hill after 10pm in your own car, otherwise you have to pay $15 for the ropeway (cable car). The view didn't take my breath away.
Next we checked out the infamous Hakodate morning market. Hokkaido is famous for its squid, crabs, bears and milk.
The crab is bigger than my head and we couldn't afford to eat one but tried the samples store keepers gave along the way. 
The cheapest  rock melon costs SGD 45, a slice cost $3. We also tried the FREE samples along the way. We're proud to be Singaporeans ;p

Then like typical Singaporeans, we went for the cheap (but expensive in Singapore) sea urchins. We ate them raw while it's still bleeding and pricks still moving.


It's my mum's favourite seafood as you can tell from her expression. My brother couldn't stomach it.
It was creamy and eggy, with an overwhelming fishy taste.

So, hotels in Japan is infamously for being small. The toilets are as big as the airplane's. I get claustrophobic after living with my 4 family members in super close proximity after 12 days. When my friend knew i was going to Japan, he asked if i wanted to borrow his spy cam detector. He explained he bought that over the Internet for USD 200 because he was visiting Japan with his girlfriend and he didn't want them caught on tape. Can't be too sure with Japanese's fetishes. I applaud that man for being meticulous and protective of his girlfriend. He's a good man, albeit maybe a foolish one for spending so much on that device that i am not even sure if it works.
You look through the view finder, press a button that emits a red light. This supposedly causes the spy cam to reflect back. Thus detecting spy cams.
Obviously, i didn't detect any.
He is such an awesome boyfriend that for his maiden trip, he planned everything so meticulously that he even got this phrase book that comes in handy. Language is a problem and most Japanese can't speak English. Most of the time we needed alot of hand actions and sound effects to get our message across. Not all restaurants have English menus too so it was quite a pain ordering food. 
I remember my last trip, i saw a yummy pictures of bean sprouts with meat. Thinking it was beef, i ordered. Only to find out it was PIG'S LIVER. Wasted my $8.  
The phrase book also teaches you how to hook up and make out. Apparently in Singapore, to book a Japanese girl for a night costs SGD 1500. There's no wild hot sex with a Japanese girl i hear. It's gentle, submissive and POLITE. You don't tear each other's clothes up in throes of passion. Instead she neatly folds your clothes including underwear and socks in squares and places them at the corner of the bed. Maybe you can strew your clothes everywhere in YOUR OWN heated moment and watch the magic unfold as she go around the room picking them up and neatly folding and placing them at the corner. Mess it up again and see her repeat. 

Then she will sponge you gently as you sit in the bath tub. Finally, she lies on the bed for you to complete the deed.

Driving in Hokkaido is expensive. We spent in total about $400+ on petrol, parking and tolls. Expressways are not free, do note. We take the longer route (double time) most of the time to save. But the best thing about self drive holidays? You can venture anywhere at your own time. 

But everything is so far away, we drove from one end to another. We pretty much sleep at midnight every night and wake up as early as 5am to set off. My eyebags get pretty bad after nights of doing that. But it was all worthwhile although i wonder if i am really on holiday or on a military-like school trip.
Matsume Castle is one of the last traditional Japanese castles standing around. It was an hour drive away from Hakodate. I was stoked about seeing the last Samurai castle but we were disappointed. We had to pay $5 to go in but the castle only stops at looking like one. Inside was a museum of boring artifacts from the Edo period. However i believe in summer the area will be more exciting with festivities going on and there's a theme park near by where they mimic the real samurai village.
I love my elder brother. So much fun with him around, because he doesn't grow up. Hahaha.
We ate so much soft serve, as many as two cones a day!
I regretted not drinking milk when i was in Hokkaido as that is what they're famous for. Oh, and you must drink Yuzu on JAL. It's a nice citrusy pomelo drink.
I'm not so much of a scenery person. Scenery bores me and Hokkaido has alot of that. So i was pretty stoked about visiting Edo Wonderland (Noboribetsu Date Jidai Mura) . A "theme park" (no rides) that mimics the Edo Period. We had the entire place to ourselves being the few visitors there. We wandered through the grounds, went in theatres where they had plays like samurai dramas. They were all in Japanese though. They had 5 plays in total. It was SO COMICAL when we were the ONLY audience in one of the plays. And they knew we couldn't understand Japanese, still..the show MUST GO ON. 
This one was the best play. Complete with fighting scenes, showing how traps are laid around the hiding place of a secret map. The main actor is VERY HANDSOME! Like Wang Lee Hom *drools*
They even showed us a pleasure quarter. Where Oirans (flowers of the night) who are courtesans who excelled at various arts including poetry, calligraphy, tea ceremony and music. They were of such high class, that only the samurai and the rich could afford their charms. They chose a Korean dude from a tour group to participate in the show. He seem to enjoy himself very much role playing that they jokingly asked for 10,000 Yen as payment, he willingly gave. Later on when the show was over, i saw them returning him his money but he nonchalantly waved it away asking them to keep as tips. That's SGD 150! Guess he really was mesmerized with the Oirans.

The Geishas speak in a sing song voice that i found it irritating and amusing why she was speaking funny. But after awhile, i admit i AM hypnotized by her. Even though she was all covered up, i find her gentleness and her movement very sensual. And only showing the white powdered nape does hint alot more sexuality than baring all.
So, the Edo Period is between 1603 and 1867. Then, Japan's government passed into the hands of Tokugawa Ieyasu, who established a military shogunate which was to last for an unprecedented 264 years. As the warrior class broke away from the imperial court, the center of government was moved from Kyoto to Tokyo. During this period, Japan was closed to the rest of the world, but internally its culture and economy flourished. Only theme parks can make me learn and remember history. In this park, we play out exactly like in the Edo Period, that includes wrapping a coin in paper and tipping the performers after their play.
Stepping into Edo Wonderland is a step back in time to the glorious days of the Edo period. This theme park is a timeless world where we relived Japanese history through entertainment. We were supposed to be strolling the streets along with samurais and townspeople but alas it was such a dead town, i suppose they were trying to cut cost and save man power.


The Ninjas were mysterious figures, whose basic function was to carry out covert operations for their feudal lords. They serve as spies and as fighters capable of great stealth. Although skillful at combat, they emphasized escape rather than fighting which led the to develop many secret evasion techniques. Which is REALLY FUNNY!
Quail Hiding Technique: Bury yourself and pretend to be A ROCK.
Raccoon Dog Hiding Technique: Climb the tree, STICK TO THE TRUNK AND HIDE.
Kan-non Hiding Technique: Stick to the wall, hold your breath, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND DISAPPEAR (by throwing a smoke bomb perhaps?)
Leaf Hiding Technique: Hide under fallen leaves and grasses to GO OUT OF SIGHT.

Don't quite sound like heros do they? More like 缩头乌龟!(tortoise)

There're many fun houses around too. We especially like the Ninja Maze. Where we were challenged to be a Ninj and escape from a maze full of tricks and traps. Then there is the House of Ghost and Monsters where dsplays of figures and tricks showcase Japan's oldest and scariest ghouls.
I'm not quite sure if the mascot is cute but we swear it was skiving earlier!
yeah, let's upsize!
Toilet sign.
It's a good thing we can read mandarin so we can read warning signs like this about bear appearances. It helps with the menus too, so long as we spot a 鸡,we know its chicken. A 肉, we know its meat. My parents will aim for 野菜. Their English on the other hand tickles us, but still appreciated as every bit of translation helps.

To be Continued....

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

"Food Girl" Series by Wendy Ding

Japan is fixated with hard-ons. In my time here (and still here), i've seen cartoon characters in various forms (key chain, picture, cuddly toys etc) all sporting a hard-on. I got to correct my price guess-timates on the adult toys in my earlier post because i get to check them out here first hand! That budget doll (amputated cushion without head) is 20,000Y so that's SGD $300. If you want a head (no pun intended), it's double. There're many different types of inflatables, some are actually really kawai-i. The Tenga egg isn't as expensive as i predicted. It's only $5 each, they come in a tray of 6 like at NTUC! Very affordable, although i doubt it's re-usable. Also, not only do they have cup noodles, they have beer cans, beer bottles and even Calbee chip cups (they even have a bag of 10 cups just like how you'll buy chips at NTUC.)Guess i won't be a winner on the game show "The Price is Right".

So i've travelled from Hakodate to Sapporo and now in Tokyo. I've smelt lavender, ate countless soft serves, sampled live BLEEDING sea urchins and whale meat (dead of course, and i'm not proud of it), and spent a bomb on USELESS Nihon-ji stuff, getting giddy by the thought of it!

Today i witnessed the Yakuza (smartly dressed men) passing name cards to pretty kawai-i girls at Harajuku. Like how "modelling agencies" hand out name cards in Orchard Road, 
here they recruit porn stars. 

Watch this space. There'll be sexciting photos, i promise.
DISCLAIMER: and promises are meant to be broken ;p

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Seeing is NOT Believing

The perfect beauty is almost like a myth. Most women nowadays use some form of help or another to enhance looks temporary, if not permanently. Ugly ducklings fret not, because one day you will become a swan. Poor girls, fret not because as the Chinese saying goes, 世界上没有丑女人,只有懒女人。(there's no ugly women, just lazy women). 

We often joke with the boys that the product might not look like its packaging! I must stress, there is nothing wrong with enhancing one's looks, after all, who doesn't like eye candy and a boost in confidence? However, here's my concocted list of things ONLY a woman can fake. You men are walking in a mine field! 

1) Fake Eye Lashes
7 out of 10 girls on the train i observed everyday wears fake eyelashes. Falsies undeniably makes our Asian slit eyes wider, bigger. The innocent doe eyed look. It instantly gives you a double eyelid too! That is, provided you aren't putting one of those dramatic ones that makes you look like a bird flew head on into your eyes.



To Uncover a Fake: Say with a straight face "Your eyelash did not stick on properly" If she immediately self-consciously checks her eyelash..she's a FAKE! If it's real, she'll raise her eyebrow and think you're crazy. Then laugh it off and probably not see her again because she thinks you're a douche bag.

2) Make-up

Forgot how the above subject looked like without makeup? Look again.
Now see her with make-up.


It almost looks doctored, but see the step-by-step makeup process here

Now, i always believe that you shouldn't criticize others before looking at yourself. So to be fair, here's my before and after picture too.


And just because you know it's entertaining to watch the power of make-up unfolding in front of your eyes, here's a compilation found on Youtube.
How to Uncover a Fake: "Accidentally" push her into a swimming pool. This way, she is caught unaware (therefore most likely non-waterproof makeup). Her eyebrows might be erased, her concealer may fade. Bonus...if she turns out to be not so pretty, but a fantastic get to see wet clothes clung to her shape. SCORE!

3) Push up Bra
Don't need to say much more.

How to Uncover a Fake: The only way to discover a fake is to undress her really. But if you can't reach there, then hug her really tight from the front and use your sensitive nipples to detect her thick padding.

4) Orgasms
Meg Ryan from When Harry Meets Sally demonstrates it very well (very funny too!)

How to Uncover a Fake: They say women can fake the squeeze, the contraction, the sounds, the expressions SO well that you can hardly detect. Actually, i don't see why a man will want to uncover a fake in this instance because it will be a huge ego buster won't it? But if you really want to know the truth, the only way i can think is to jab her in the ribs when she cums. You see, if someone supposedly is experiencing an orgasm, it is such a strong reaction that you can hardly feel anything else correct? So if you jab her and she shoots you a real dirty look, it would mean she can FEEL that jab. Don't take me for my word though, and don't sue me if you get punched.

5) Gender
Yes, a woman might not be a woman. Just look at transgender actress "Treechada Nong Poyd" Malayaporn.
She makes me feel like a man already.
How to uncover a Fake: Sorry, with something looking like her, i think it's a slim chance of finding out, unless you dig really deep into her history.
6) Eye Color
If you've always thought that girl you're dating looks extremely exotic or mixed because she has misty grey or hazelnut brown eyes, they could be fake. 
Look, we even have Hello Kitty lenses to mesmeroize you.

How to uncover a Fake: Take her to a BBQ. Contact lenses are drying, coloured ones are even more so. If we stand too long in front of the bon fire, our eyes will sting and the optician even warned me that my lenses will melt! Be sure she doesn't charge you with intentionally blinding her though.

7) Hair Extentions
How to uncover a Fake: This one is quite easy. You can't tell from looking, but you definitely can feel it out if you run your fingers through her hair. Now, you might not be able to do that on a first date, but you can pretend there is something in her hair and you just have to dig in vigorously to get it out. Hint, reach in from underneath her head,near the scalp, towards the neck.

8) Pregnancy
Oh yes, this is one thing that ONLY women can fake to get attention, get marriage, get money, get anything.
How to uncover a Fake: Be physically there to see the test results, i guess. No other way.

9) Perky Nipples
Have you watched Sex and the City? Did you realise Charlotte's two twins were obviously asking for out in the scene where she appears in a bright pink suit? Initially, we thought it was a wardrobe malfunction, until i found this and realise it's the latest trend now! But of course, Sex and the City is ALWAYS setting trends.

The natural look is back. Nipples are in. From your favourite magazines, to stars gracing the red carpet, women are showing off their breasts with pride. Body Perks nipple enhancers are the latest fashion accessory for your breasts, Samantha from Sex and the City's actually started it first. For full effect, wear under a soft cup bra for enhanced, perky appeal.
Well, Singaporean women are not using this yet, but don't say i didn't pre-empt you!
How to uncover a Fake: Don't know how to advise you.

10) Virginity
The last straw a woman can deceive you, is her virginity. Sold on the Internet, this little bag of blood can be inserted and will burst when "poked". Don't ask me what if it doesn't work correctly, ask the manufacturer who'll likely to tell you 98% of the time, it works just like what the condom makers will tell you that they're pretty safe but accidents still happen.

How to Uncover a Fake: At this point, really??

So you see guys, inner beauty is alot more important than external beauty. Beauty lasts a decade, character lasts a lifetime.
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