No Photoshop, just Instagram

@chrispytine on Twitter and Instagram

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

My Analogy

Animals often masturbate. Humans do too, but less. And that’s because humans have a higher level of intelligence than animals that allow humans to do more things in life other than just playing with one’s self.

People who do not have a normal IQ supposedly can engage in sexual intercourse and self pleasure. So then why are there Singaporean virgins who “don’t know how to do it” when they first consummate? (The overly done survey that reminds Singaporeans of its “shame” over and over again) Given the fact that, these good people know how to Google, have access to pornography compared to the people with special needs.

Here’s the defining experiment: Throw a 15 year-old into the sea that can’t swim. She’ll drown. Throw a baby into the pool, she would instinctively swim.

Sex is innate, the simplest of all forms.

Rumors have spread that one monkey practicing the new technique went blind from
“overdoing it.”
“After his seventeenth round of masturbation, he received a
blow to his eyes, rendering him blind,” explained Brown.

“Scientifically speaking, this was not a product of his masturbation, however.”
The actual cause of the blindness, Brown revealed, was the fact that this monkey had not been furiously tugging on himself, but had rather been feverishly jerking on a spitting cobra he had mistaken for his own penis.

“He never was the brightest banana in the tree,” confided the monkey’s mother.


Interesting read. Elephants rub themselves on tree trunks with one leg up, dolphins rub themselves on sea beds. Flatworms fence" using two-headed dagger-like penises which are pointed, and white in color. The "winner" is the organism that inseminates the other. The sperm is absorbed through pores in the skin, causing fertilization in the "loser".

News In Brief

1) Someone wrote in to TODAY newspaper requesting to add on to the numerous rules (no drinking, eating, give up seats) we already have in our MRT. ‘No Kissing and No Hugging’. Why do I suspect she is probably a 40-year old virgin?

2) A Texas woman nibbled her newborn baby’s toes, tore his face, severed his head and ate his brains. Post-natal depression or psychotic?

Monday, July 27, 2009

Sweltering Sunday

See the massive roller-coaster in the background? I can't wait for Universal Studios!!
The unglam shot of my friend sleeping. The Sun just sucks your energy.
Tanning with my best friend.
The talented creator who just got bored of building sandcastles.

Bandaged with a Bacon & Egg

I was kinda "happy" i had a major "abrasion" that commands the unwrapping of this "special" plasters bought from Melbourne 2 years ago! I think even plasters have a validity date, but i don't care. I love collecting cute plasters. I always shell out double the price to buy the cartoon ones in Watsons but then i can't bear to use them. But when i do, and they're due to peel off, i will "keep" them by sticking them in my toilet. I'm glad my family never thought they were gross and left them stuck there (or maybe no one dares to peel it off, thinking its so disgusting that i don't want to touch it.)

It says free toy inside! That free toy is the ultra minature rubber pig.
Its a real nasty bruise from the pit bike incident.
I now have a 4 inch scar, but oh well, i survived.

Monday, July 20, 2009

I believe i was in Batam.

So upon the woman's recommendation, we took up the package for 2D1N Batam. We thought it was a really good deal. $95 each with a night's stay at a 4 star hotel, ferry return, land transfers, breakfast & dinner & a 90 MINUTE MASSAGE. The massage was really the deal breaker.

However, when it comes to making payment, we're already a little disgruntled because we had to pay an additional $20 per person for some tax. Although she stressed that tax doesn't go to her company but to the governement. But as the consumer, we only focused on it being $115 for the package!

When we asked her how much it was for a return ferry ticket on its own, she said it costs $45, so we thought ok, for an extra $50 we get massage, hotel & meals it's not a bad deal. We usually pay $50 for a one hour massage in Singapore anyway.

Guess what was the price of the ferry tickets when we reached Harbourfront on Sat morning? It was $34.
Upon arrival at Batam, we had to pay ANOTHER $7 per person for Batam's tax.By this time, we were really unhappy about all the "hidden" charges and felt we're "cheated" of the notion of a cheap weekend getaway. Although frankly we weren't reeeeeally cheated, its just all these frill costs that made the trip not THAT worthwhile anymore! Seeing that whatever we have to pay times two= quite a large sum to spend for one weekend. We could have just stayed in Singapore and saved the money.

But ok, enough griping. Once it's spent, it's spent. So ok, the hotel lobby was rather impressive.and i thought i would have a posh place to stay in. I thought 4 stars is only 1 star away from 5 stars so it shouldn't be far off from the Intercontinental that i stayed in Bali right? It pales in comparision. The room was dingy, the carpet was stained, the lamp shades were yellow.

Buuuuuut..........its ok. I got over my disappointment rather quickly after entering. Afterall, it's not like i'm a princess who's used to living in posh hotels. The nicest spot of the hotel, our free dinner atop a roof top. The hotel has free shuttle to Nongoya Hills, the largest shopping mall in Batam (to avoid disappointment,don't compare it with Singapore's malls) so we milled around the mall and walked the streets of Batam for some hours.
Then we took the scheduled shuttle back to the hotel and spent time in the gym and the professional table tennis player taught me some ping pong tricks. Me with my complete collection of watermelon pouches.
Holidays are always spent eating and sleeping. With nothing to do, we had our feed hourly. I was estatic to see the defunct A&W. Alas, they don't have the hotdogs (halal country). But they do have the curly fries (1SGD) and waffle with ice-cream (3SGD)!
The Ayam Penyet that we always have in Singapore costs $7 while here it costs (same brand, same outlet) $2. But before you go "cheap cheap" like a Singaporean, the serving size here is 3 times smaller. Measely tiny peice of chicken that you can barely call meat with no kangkong. But it's good for me! Like this i can stomach more variety and keep things bite sized. A man will get grumpy though..because he didn't eat enough. So we had to have Pizza Hut next (SGD 5 for 6 slices). His photography skills depends on his mood. I guess for that day, he preferred taking my back. We didn't see any of Batam's afamed sleaze too though.
Indonesia is full of slums. Sometimes i wonder how amazing life is. You may be born a Japanese, you may be born an American, you may be born a Chinese, what made you the way you are today? What gave you life? We are really fortunate to be born in Singapore, i am very blessed to be born with four limbs and in a happy family. Should you be born any less fortunate, do you give up on life or stay angry with the world? Do you take revenge by bombing locations that the rich hang out?
Maybe i can say it that way because i am not born any less fortunate. Maybe i will feel differently if i was.
And so just because we are more fortunate, we should make a difference in the lives of those who have less means.
From the agent's recommendation, we were expecting a spa with candle light and romantic atmosphere. So we were disappointed yet again to enter a no-frills massage center (although its within the hotel). But the massage was SO GOOD, it didn't matter.
I gave the masseurs a 100,000 rupiah tip for giving us both such great massages. I admit i wasn't all that willing to because i kept thinking i have already paid for their service and i owe them no tip(besides, that's my 1 week's lunch). But i remembered how elated i was to receive tips when i waitressing (even though i wasn't that poor to need the tip that desperately). For all i know, maybe their families are living in povety.
It's a blessing to be able to give.
P.S the Batam promotion deal ends 31 Jul. So if you're interested, get it from Golden Mile, the agent directly facing a convinience shop. If you have the extra cash and want to be away for one weekend, it is a trip worth considering.
What you can do in Batam: ATV bike ride, cable skiing, massage, food and SHOPPING (alot of fake goods if that's what you're into. Bags cost around $45 (after bargaining), pouches and key chains costs around $10, wallets costs around $20. I didn't buy any, no design appealed.)
Food is relatively cheap, although i can't quite figure out how i spent $100 in the 2 days after paying upfront for hotel & ferry etc AND having bought NOTHING material.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Dirt Biking.

I prayed for the rain to stop, it didn't but it stayed away from the straits of Malaysia.
We took a bum boat from the Ubin jetty and "slept" an hour before we reach sunny Tristan Park. The instructor looks like he's pinching moi.
The first "crash" of the day. We did a crash course on riding a motorbike.
Gawd, it was tough. I don't have a manual car license, and riding a bike you have the clutch, the throttle and alot of hand-eye coordination! It doesn't help when the bike vibrates so much beneath. It really disrupts concentration.My "war wound" as the boys call it. I looked back and shouted to my friend "how do you go up this curb?!" And as i shouted, my hand turned the throttle full speed...ZOOM..i went across the curb and made my bike flip.

It doesn't look bad here, but that's because i haven't took off my pants! Its one nasty bruise and bloodied flesh.
Undeterred, i went on this track.
My 2 guardian angels. My 2 friends who are regular bikers are really patient in staying behind me, biting my dust (as i attempted to speed).
That's the regular dirt bike..mine's the mini pit bike!
I rode it like a bicycle, i couldn't resist sticking my leg out and WALK down the slope. I don't want to be disfigured. At one point, the slope was so steep that even with my leg down,the bike was spinning out of control (the engine was still running you see)...i got down,turned off the engine and pushed it down the slope.
See the nice hill behind. Doesn't feel like you're in some ulu town. We were in a oil palm plantation actually.
As i wiped my face with wet wipes, for a moment i tried recalling if i applied make-up that day. That was actually, THE DUST!It's one great workout. We're all striped like tigers now. The result of areas covered with protective gear and areas not.

Friday, July 10, 2009

This is how MDA should censor stuff.

In Search of the Mola-Mola

Before i fly to Darwin in search of the Saltie, i will do something less dangerous first.

Come August, i will hunt for the Sunfish with my best friend. I can't wait!! Consider taking up diving, it's really a whole new world underneath.

I used to pretend i'm a Mermaid when i go swimming, and i sing "A Whole New World" when i bathe. Ok, i know that's from Aladdin. You get my point...

Footnote: a Mola Mola gains more than 60 million times its weight from when it hateces- it is only one-tenth of an inch long at birth.
You should try this some time! Go to the supermarket and buy whatever you feel like. . And call it a finger-food dinner night!

We had sashimi, fish balls, pork cutlet strips, steak peices, crab meat, toufu, sushi and bauguette.They don't even match! While i was in Japan, my colleague was in Taiwan, wishing he was in Japan.
How cute! It totally looked like a Bento.
Being very practical, he bought the female colleagues a sanitary pad as souvenir.
Softy....marshmellow for your once-a-month need.
Taiwan, my next destination.
Why does Singaporeans need to be taught to be gracious, considerate and courteous? What kind of a society are we?


First, I wanted a man to propose to me with a puppy.

Then, I wanted a man to propose to me with fireworks.

Now, i want a man to propose to me with a WALK-IN WARDOBE.
I vow to be a MILF in future. Hahaha....

My DYING curls......last stage already. Boo Hoo hoo...
I LOVE going to weddings. Just sit and eat only. Better if it's your dad who gives the ang pao (then i don't have to give. Tee hee hee.) And i love chinese wedding dinners. 10 course with shark's fins and all that good food. I still think wedding dinners are a "show-off" for the parents. It is, kind of, don't you agree? 5-star hotels, numerous tables, relatives galore, mother & mother-in-law decked out in their finest jewerlery.
My wedding will be a huge affair, where friends come to celebrate and i to give them a good time. No, i'm not going to entertain them on stage. But i hope to have a carnival! So all around, there'll be things to entertain young and old. Not just sit at the table and eat and maybe watch some band play or some slide show. But then i wouldn't mind a simple wedding without any fan fare. Just you and me, with close family and friends. In fact, i was doubting if i have enough CLOSE friends even to throw a huge dinner at some high class hotel.

Save the wedding dinner, build the house! However, I like my roots and I would like me to be in the traditional Chinese costume serving tea to my parents and my "sisters" to "tortue" the groom and herd.
Cliche as it sounds, every girl wants a fairytale wedding. The door gifts are getting better and better too. No more fruit cake. Yay! This was a cute shot glass and pack of poker cards (with lovely dovey designs on it) My brother said i was a butterfly. My mum after 3 children. She shares my clothes and takes my unwanted ones. Lingerie inclusive. Oops, too much info. Hahaha! I'm glad no one took up the offer when i was selling this dress. I love it!
And so before my best friend from Secondary school becomes a yellow-faced housewive, i invited her to join me on this shoot.
Haha, so blog shop! The stylist said i should buy this romper though. I told her i have enough, and it's a pain to pee!! The eye shadow was really different and i got a cool stylish new phone! But then i felt bad when i saw my dear younger brother needing a new phone more than me.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...