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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Learn Mandarin the Sexy Way

A friend (for some reason, i can't remember who) once commented that if Singapore had local porn production, it would be a money making one.

I don't know what made him see Singapore that way but the Japanese thought of it too (obviously).
AV film that had a scene in our MBS!
Singapore's Speak Mandarin campaign was so unsuccessful that ELB was offered to students where teachers and students resign to fate.

Will learning Mandarin be more successful if it's taught the sexy way by these ladies below?
"Shhh be quiet and sit down."
"Shhh no touching yourself."
I found out about because i received an email calling for an audition. This is started in Hong Kong and they are looking for Singaporeans to star in it! The pay is SGD 100 for 3 hours of filming, exclusive of make-up and preparation (how pitiful the hourly rate is).

Show some skin, be a Youtube star. 

Damn, the girls are hot. 

I hope if there're any Singaporean girls starring in them, they won't sia suay our little red dot. 
The requirements to being a teacher on Sexy Mandarin is that you must be 
- fluent in Mandarin and English
- female Chinese talent
- embody personality and is outspoken
- not camera shy
- talkative
- bubbly
- able to have basic ability to teach a language
- fame hungry
- cute and/or sexy
However, if you are not so keen to being captured on film, you may submit a creative and educational photo or SexyVOCAB. A photo competition that gives girls a chance to gain exposure on the website that reportedly has millions of views.

To enter the competition, submit a photo of yourself together with an object of pose that can be described in one word. For example, "pool".
Knowing how self shots are extremely popular, they may be taken that manner (in fact, that makes the photos look more personal and sexy). However, do make sure there's enough light so you do not look dull.

All submissions may appear on the website however there will only be 3 winners. They will win:

Top prize- a feature as a model on Fashion One + 90 minute massage at aFOND spa
2nd prize- 30 minute foot massage at aFOND spa + original SexyMandarin poker cards
3rd prize- a deck of original SexyMandarin poker cards

I'm quite bemused looking at the submissions. Some girls look Singaporean! WE ARE REPRESENTED. A deck of poker cards must make a good prize.

I asked my foreign male friends if they could learn Mandarin the sexy way and if they can even concentrate at all. Most didn't take my question seriously *roll eyes*

The ones who do told me they wouldn't take such a website seriously. What do you think? I thought it's a pretty creative and unconventional way. It's a service, double entendre intended. 

Care for the Windows to your Soul


Whenever my friends see the below ad, they love posting it to Facebook, tagging me with a giggle.
I looked up Christine Ng, the Hong Kong TVB artiste and hoped i would look like that when i am 50.
While wrinkles may be photoshopped to death, videos won't lie.

Ok, i felt obliged to share the cringe worthy Chinese fairy TVC starring Christine Ng's soulful eyes and ample bosom that sends anyone soul searching.

While i can't quite do anything about my breasts, i can with my eyes.

Essilor introduces new lenses that provide the highest front UV blockage and back UV reflection. With the Eye-Sun Protection Factor, it protects eyes from aging and the appearance of cataracts, amongst other vision problems.

Having experienced eating blind, i know how important eyesight is. Never too young to start protection!

Here's me with Crizal UV indoors, away from sun.

and here's me with the same pair of glasses, out in the sun!

Be sure to ask for Crizal UV lenses at any optician. Care for the windows to your soul.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

World's Only Validated Hypoallergenic Skin Expert


Proven to be safe and effective for sensitive skin with its unique validated hypoallergenic rating system, VMV Hypoallergenics is a “must-have” amongst Hollywood celebrities such as Jennifer Garner and Selma Blair. VMV Hypoallergenics offers a wide range of hypoallergenicity-validated products to attend to every need of men, women and children of all ages, from head to toe + cell to surface!

I am conscious about breast cancer and thus i hardly use deodorant (thankfully, i don't have a foul smelling natural odour) nor any anti-perspiration products because i wanted to use stuff as natural as possible. Our skin, after all, is the largest organ.

However, when i heard about VMV Hypoallergenics opening in Ion Orchard (#B3-48), i thought i'd check it out. As natural as i would like to be, i will not be able to defy gravity over time.

Created in 1979 by renowned dermatologist-dermatopathologist, VMV Hypoallergenics has a one-of-a-kind rating system for hypoallergenic. Put simply, this means unparalleled skin safe products.

What caught my eye when i visited the store was its anti-perspirant treatment.
Shaving darkens the underarms, so i've been told. I will always remember Fann Wong's fair armpits.
 That made me get the same IPL treatment at Bella, which Fann was an ambassador for then. It was a worthwhile investment ($2000) as i did not need to shave again. However, if you haven't got the dough to splash, VMV anti-perspirant treatment ($65) is worthwhile to consider if you have been shaving.

It is an active lightening treatment for BOTH men and women's underarm skin discolored by post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation, irritations (from dyes, fragrances and other irritants in some other deodorants or products applied on or near the underarm) or other causes.

If you have an wet patch problem due to perspiration, it also provides powerful wetness protection even for those with excessive sweating or hyperhidrosis. Without irritants, it prevents underarm darkening, rashes, itching, redness, and granulomas (bumps) etc.

Immediately, i asked how breast cancer safe is it? The knowledgeable staff informed me that the ingredients in antiperspirants that are thought to cause cancer are parabens and aluminum-based compounds. VMV contain no parabens. While aluminum salts are widely used in deodorants, VMV antiperspirant uses aluminum chlorophydrate which does not cause allergic reactions.

I'm trying it out.  Just in case i meet a lover with an armpit fetish, i will be ready.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me.

Exactly 16 days before my birthday, i met Elyse ( Having gone through a turbulent childhood and many failed relationships, Elyse is now healed whole and enjoying a happy marriage for the last 10 years. All because she has self-love.

Self-love, it's something i if not everyone, struggle with.

I was defensive when Elyse asked if i was happy, confident and positive. I think, or rather, thought i am!

Not being personal friends, Elyse was tough in grilling me about my life and harsh in her words. She gave me a much needed reality check.

Why have my relationships failed? I looked down and mumbled "just didn't happen loh." She asked if i knew what i want. I retorted, "of course!"

"What do you want?" I rattled off some qualities, got frustrated with her interrogation and said," Aiya! I don't make a list. I've never made a list because making a list means Mr. Perfect and that don't exists!" Besides...when chemistry hits, we're often blinded?

Oh-o...wrong answer. Elyse frowned and her lips pursed in an almost angry pout.

"Why do you not make a list? Why do you short change yourself and tell yourself you won't find a perfect man?" She tapped her fingers on the table repeatedly.

I recoiled in my seat, i felt small and i felt tears welling up. She was right.

There are certain things i need to change in my life, and what better time to do when i turn 17, in dog years.

I remember me and my bestie doodled on a A&W tray paper what we envision our love life to be. She drew a condo, a man, a baby and a Mercedes. I drew a beach, a man & a heart shaped with candles.

Today, she has a condo, a man, a baby and a Ford.

Making a list is not about the 5Cs(unless that's what you want). Making a list is a commitment to yourself to look out and recognize the qualities you want in a partner.

In fact, i resisted making that list until 2 weeks after because it was a challenge on my belief system.

But i have, and that list shall remain private.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Sex in Amsterdam, a Unique Experience

In shopping district, Spiegel in Amsterdam, it wasn't enough to just browse windows. Much damage was done to my wallet but O' how satisfied I am. Scoring a suede pig leather jacket in a pretty pastel green for 100 euros, I am guilt free.

A few canals across, it's a different kind of window shopping. It's a male shopping district.

In Amsterdam, one knows no shame. I unabashedly asked strangers, male and female, where the Red Light District is. Unlike how we immaturely tease each other with Geylang, the Dutch didn't bat an eyelid.
Oblivious to the staunch looking Ang Mohs behind, i am eating in the train!
In my last post, i mentioned i was going to do a prostitute workshop. It was honestly, an attempt to leave some kind of clue where i was and what I'm doing in case i don't return.

Excited at finding an off-the-beaten-track activity, i emailed PIC without hesitation and made a booking. After making a booking, i then remembered to sound out my Dutch friends if they heard about it before. They hadn't.

So i got worried. I worry if this was a trap to traffic girls. What did i just do?!? I just emailed a potential criminal about my arrival and I'm going to land right at their door step!  I contemplated canceling but i tried postponing it to my second day of arrival instead (trying to throw them off guard, and do a scout on my first day of arrival instead). Alas, Marisska replied saying she only has TWO Saturdays free in a year and she can't do it on my second day of arrival. TOTALLY SUSPICIOUS!!

Who has only TWO free Saturdays in a year? I got jittery, but decided to still JUST DO IT.

Which ironically, Nike got their tag line from someone's last words before EXECUTION!

So i set off looking for Enge Kersteeg 3 for my 9.30pm workshop on a Friday.
Very unglam with the umbrella.
I was expecting one main street where illuminated windows will flock left and right but no, there is no one street but it's in corners here and there. Where I least expected it, I'll see the alluring red glow.
The Red Light District in Amsterdam has been around since the 14th century. The oldest workers in the window are a pair of  70 year old twins.
1 has recently retired due to arthritis (can't do some sex positions anymore). I didn't meet them, but i did meet Marisska, former sex worker of the infamous Red Light District in the Prostitute Info Center which turns out to be legit (phew).

I almost gave up looking. If finding Tokyo's roads were difficult, try Amsterdam. After 5 days, i still couldn't get the route back home right.

After an hour of relentlessly and shamelessly asking passer-bys, i finally found PIC and was even 15 minutes early for my scheduled workshop!
In that hour, i could ask Marisska, former sex worker, ANYTHING i wanted. She is very warm and amiable, i instantly took a liking towards her.
How does the Red Light District work?
Unlike other prostitutes found in developing countries, who are a result of abuse, trafficking or low education, the sex workers in Amsterdam mainly do it as a choice. They have no boss (no pimps), start and end any time they want (sounded like the perfect job!).
The sex workers rent the windows from landlords. Halfway through my workshop, Marisska's old landlord (a very old woman) walked in with her bulldog to say hello and have a laugh or two about old times. In Singapore, one would think twice about owning a property in Joo Chiat or Geylang, but in Amsterdam, landlords own a couple of windows and get rich renting them out. 
For 60 euros in the day (12-8pm) to as much as 180 euros for the evening (8-4am), the girls get a window equivalent to a cell. 
Day shift: You see the leg behind a window on the bottom right corner?
In this basic window, you see a chair with a towel and a heater. When there is a client/ action, curtains will be drawn.
A little bit more luxurious, some have a sink to wash up and a ratty looking bed.

Photographs are Not Allowed
because many of the girls have a day job and do not want to be recognized. You may retort, "there's no fool-proof plan because your colleague, school-mate, friend or family may walk past". Marisska insists the girl behind the window will spot a familiar face from afar and draw the curtains before they can even say "i know you!" She was right, as i experienced standing behind the window myself later.

I did not see one tourist whip out their camera, but defiant me found ways to sneak a picture or two. By posing by an abandoned mattress (presumably thrown out from one of the windows).  
Check out the girls in windows behind.
The mattress was SURPRISINGLY HARD, almost wooden.
However, if the girls spot you taking a picture, they will not hesitate to hurl vulgarities at you and if within reach, they may even get nasty.
I thought they would not notice me, with that construction in between us. I snuck my camera inconspicuously (or so i thought) in between the gaps but as soon as i snapped, the girl from the extreme left window opened her door, shouted across the street and flipped her middle finger. SHE WAS FIERCE.
That was the last picture i took of the red light district. Kiasee already (scared of death).

Why do Sex Workers do it?
Marisska did it because she had no money for a dog at 16. She earned enough and she did buy a dog that same day (could even afford 2) but continued doing it because she thought it was pretty easy money and she didn't feel it was shameful.

She did enjoy the sex and repeatedly say she CHOOSES who she wants to sleep with. For a very warped reason, some sex workers believe providing sexual service to men is some form of empowerment and liberation. Women can have sex all day long and men cannot. Using that to their advantage, they earn thousands of dollars from men who typically can't say no (they risk their relationship, their marriage, their freedom (jail) for sex) and who to this day earn 30% more than women for doing the same work (in the normal sense). Back in the 80s, the prime time of the industry, a girl can earn as much as 20K euros a month (SGD 36K).
Marrisska answers my questions as i warm up behind the window.
What are the Charges?
They never do without a condom and it costs 50 euros for a 15 minute session. It could be oral sex, intercourse or a bit of both. They use an iPod as a time keeper. When you hear the crescendo? You ought to climax too.
Marrisska also writes books and columns.
Special services and requests other than the norm is usually done at private houses and not in the windows. Windows are meant to be inexpensive quickies. While there may be a little competition amongst the girls, they generally look out for each other (against violent men) and they chat with each other to pass time.

There are less hot girls in the alleys of Amsterdam now (especially with the government trying to clean it up). Instead they are filled with African big girls, coined the Big Mama alley. I have however, seen 5 hotter younger Caucasian girls (one of whom is the one who hurled vulgarities at me). I saw 2 who had a unique selling point (one wore spectacles (school girl/teacher fetish?) and one was in a cat woman suit (dominatrix?)) I saw one balding scrawny Caucasian man behind a window with a rainbow flag (gay) and i was told the windows with blue lights are transsexuals or any other homo sapiens (but i didn't see any blue lights).
Fact finding till Marrisska asked if i was a hard nosed journalist in disguise :P
Standing Behind a Window
It was 8 degrees. I didn't hesitate to strip to my bikini although it felt really strange to not be at a beach in a bikini. "Heels make a woman feel sexier", Marrisska lent me hers. She sized me up and down in my bikini and gave a nod of approval. I was a good student, i followed her email instructions and brought something white which worked beautifully in the UV lights. I stepped up to the big cushioned arm chair in chunky heels, crossed my legs and folded my arms across my chest. It was a defensive move, i felt naked.
The crowd is just warming up.

I don't know how much time have passed but after all the interrogation, i was ready to stand up and expose my tummy. Marisska hid from the street view so that men would approach my window. And they did!!!
Still feeling very uncomfortable, my body is taking the defensive stance.
Marisska then started pointing out how to choose my clients. She asked me to observe and compare men who walked past with their girlfriends (the man walks more relaxed, oblivious to the girls behind the windows) to men who walked past with their mates (brazen and cocky) to men who walked past alone (curious, more polite and genuine).
Trio approaching.
With my arms crossed, I'm not going to attract men. I awkwardly placed my arm on my hips, i thought this is what mannequins do.
Oh, and i sucked in too.
Then, i got competitive. I knew on my left and right, it's the fat mamas who were standing behind the windows in itsy bitsy neon lingerie. I can't lose to them. Me, supposedly an exotic wanton on that street. It must be because i had no tits, i didn't have anyone knocking on my window.

As if on cue, Marisska asked me to separate my bikini to show more cleavage.
She asked me to loosen up and smile. She said i looked too stern.
She asked me to sway my hips to the music and caress myself. 
I tried.
Limp attempt.
She asked me to run my fingers through my hair.
I mechanically followed her instructions but still felt very uncomfortable. Talking to Marisska soothed my fears, I asked her for sex tips (if a condom breaks, drink alot of water and pee it out - really works meh?) , and i asked what was the strangest request (she had to wear diapers and pretend to be a baby. Her client got very turned on when she pees in her diaper). In brief moments of bravery, i looked up to see men in front of my window.
Marisska has experienced enough to generalize races. There are certain races ( i won't mention) that she refuses to work with. She prefers Asians but they usually have very small appendages but alot of hair that she has to rummage through the bush to find it. In my hour, i had 2 groups of 3 men in their 20-30s, utterly dick-heads who waved their 100 euro in my face, darting their tongue in between their fingers shaped in a V and banging on the window ( i hope it's bullet proof!) .

From a mile away, Marisska could already spot trouble. As they approached, she reminded me to not have any eye contact. There is however, a panic button in every window. The landlord or the police will come when pressed. I didn't have eye contact with many men that night.

Then, there were the ones (white haired men in their 40s) who had a kinder expression and they were the ones that Marisska said if i had wanted to, i could open a crack (not ass), negotiate, let them in and draw the curtains. I had a couple of men politely knocking on my window but i would smile and shake my head. Some persisted but soon accepted no as an answer. I actually felt bad for cheating their feelings. Standing behind a window, enticing them but actually not open for business.

When she was still working (she retired from the sex trade after 6 years, knowing she can't lead this life forever), she never kisses her clients as she keeps that for real lovers. There is a code of "honour" amongst the workers to not orgasm but she found that hard to do because it's a woman's natural body reaction. Not many of her boyfriends could accept her job. They would at first but soon turn jealous. She could however, separate emotions from sex and genuinely believed sex with prostitutes were merely transactional. 

Today, Marisska is divorced with a teenage daughter. She married an Indonesian Malawi man who lived in Amsterdam. Ironically, they divorced because her husband visited prostitutes which she accepted in the beginning (understanding it's merely transactional) but couldn't later. She has an estranged relationship with her parents and believes they blame themselves for not giving her money for the puppy. Despite Marisska advocating the sex trade and her choice of career, if her daughter ever follows her path, she would be heart broken. However, Marisska gave a weak smile and said her daughter is a total opposite of herself. "She is a strong headed girl who values her body very much." I saw love and hope in Marisska's eyes. 

I could tell the age on her face and the beaten soul within. Since quitting the trade, Marisska has become more romantic and her fantasy (she still has them despite doing everything imaginable with clients) is to have outdoor sex. In the woods, on the beach or in the water.

There is life after Sex
There's always the stereotype that after being an air stewardess, you can't find another job prospect. Life after a sex worker could be caring for the old or any job dealing with people as the ex sex worker will be well versed with reading body language.

Whilst it may seem like the people on the street are watching the circus behind the window, the sex workers thinks its a circus out on the street instead. They have enough self respect to ask a smelly man to go away, or expects a man to have the basic respect to shower before coming to get laid. 

It was pretty exhilarating standing behind the window. I had a very enjoyable time chatting with Marrisska. I admire her bravery to step out, tell the world she is an ex sex worker and even turned it into HER life after sex.

It dawned upon me that despite how advanced society has become, how women fought fiercely for equal rights, we will never win the gender war. I shudder at the thought of my man visiting a prostitute, and I'm disappointed at the very primal instincts of men. It is always a perception that sex workers take ANY men who comes, but how gravely prejudiced we are.

Suddenly, i felt cold. My hour was up. So i put on my clothes, paid 35 euros and gave Marisska a big hug. I walked out enlightened, a different person.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

My Europe Snaps

When i travel alone, i visit old towns.
Gruyere, Vevey Switzerland.
When i travel alone, i pack my trainers, hit the gravel and jog.

When i travel alone, i set up the tripod and ignore stares.

When i travel alone, i take a bus just to arrive for touristy pictures.

When i travel alone, i like visiting supermarkets.
Midnight cow's milk sell at a higher price.
When i travel alone, i will spend 50 euros to take a ferry to Estonia. I saw falling snow!
Actually, it was rain that turned to snow as it came down because it was too cold.
Tallin, the old town has people dressed up according to the medieval theme.

When i travel alone, i eat the strangest things.

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