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Thursday, July 8, 2010

For Mature Audiences: Tokyo

Giant tentacles I took at the seafood market.

Last year, I did not give Akibahara a thought. Dismissing it as an electronics street (albeit it being VERY famous) like Funan or Sim Lim, I did not bother. Later did I know it is a VERY happening place! I suppose adult toys ARE electronic gadgets too...
Otaku (slang for geek) spotted! In his bag might be a new body pillow with scantily cladded manga babe to cuddle!
Akibahara is heaven for anima fans. They have EVERYTHING anima under the sun. Hentai is manga porn invented by the Japanese. Otakus sleep on naked manga babes. Bedsheets titled (Honey Coming or is it Home Coming) costs SGD 250 (yowser!) and body pillows are about SGD 110. No wonder there is an impending issue of robbing Otakus.

Checking out the adult "amusement parks", it was an overload on my sensory.The moment I stepped in, left right center I see disturbing images of melons. Women with cup DD, EE, FF were plastered all over. Ok, I didn’t dare go photo frenzy (after all, these shops could be owned by the Yakuza) so I didn’t risk it. Besides I’m a girl, all the more suspicious. The below photos were generously taken by my traveling partner especially for me. Let's see..the first level was mainly role play costumes for girls.
They have all sorts including a burger joint girl costume. A huge emphasis is on school uniforms and i overheard this group of Ang Mohs commenting, " Why are there SO MANY school uniforms? This is disturbing." LOL, they don't know the Japanese very well do they?
The second level was a wide range of dildos and toys for females like nipple clamps that looked painful.
There're dildos modelled after famous porn actors. Onaholes modelled after porn actresses, we found fingers modelled after a legendary actor who can make girls squirt!
 Adult toys in Japan costs a fraction of what it costs here. Level 3, 4 and 5 are for men. See what did i tell you about men having more variety in this one area? So level 3 has the usual stuff, they also have box sets that has everything you need. Love pillow, vagina sleeve, lotion, 1 sexy snapshot of some famous actress and Sexy Moaning CD.
 Girls are banned from 4 and 5 because it's hardcore stuff and gay stuff. Not sure if that's to the benefit of girls or guys. Ha ha. I snuck up anyway and had a quick peek and man it IS hard core.
This is the cheapest version where everything is inflatable but the crucial anatomy is the onahole, plastic can burn. There is a male blow-up too, with a dildo sticking out.
I'm not quite sure what is the point in this pair of silicon boobies. Maybe to do a hot dog or just to relieve stress by squeezing or use it as a wrist rest when you use the computer mouse. I suppose plastic surgeons can get this easily from their offices.
Prior to our trip, i found the addresses of blow-up doll cafes and even museums! We hunted high and low for them, only to have the address leading us to some Manga store. Nonetheless we saw many life like sex dolls in the regular adult shops already. Some are even in costumes and you must understand that the French Maid costume is a BIG part of Japan's male culture.
So much so that girls decked in maid outfits dotted the streets of Akibahara. FYI, they are usually not pretty though. Here's the number of flyers i collected in 30 mins, they usually pass the flyers to men and some men will stop and chat with them enquiring about their cafe.

The Japanese LOVE role-playing. Even massage parlours don't just end with special service, they throw in FULL service, complete with costumes and acting.

Most of these cafes and maids can’t speak English for nuts. Neither is photographs allowed. The Japanese hates being photographed by strangers. I was looking forward to experiencing a role play café (where the maids kneel before you and call you master.), and we found one (called B something) that allows you photography and the maids speak English. Alas when we went, it was closed. We were both VERY DISAPPOINTED no one is going to feed us like a baby and pat our heads. Then I saw a signboard advertising second level. There is another role play café there! So we checked it out…AND IT WAS A SIGHT TO BEHOLD.

As I pushed open the door, I was immediately transported into a classroom. Old school wooden desks lined up in front of me, a blackboard filled with chalk writings were on my left. On the right was a shelf meant for children to place their shoes, water bottle and belongings. Instead, I saw black document bags and shiny black dress shoes neatly placed in compartments.
Then I saw… it wasn’t school children sitting at the desks. They were grown men. As a new visitor enters, they all sheepishly look up, curious to see who else has come to role play. They weren’t really Otakus, one was actually kinda good looking. As I sweep my eyes across, I’d say all patrons were male, in the mid thirties with bad skin and straggly hair. Like the famous cannibal murderer, Tsutomu Miyazaki except they’re perhaps a little bit better looking than him.

They all came alone, so they sat at the desks like studious boys, sipping orange juices and reading a comic book or text book.

A waitress popped up in front of me. “Sumimasen!” She greets. She was dressed in typical school girl’s gym attire. Micro-mini hot pants and a white tee. It’s on sale in every adult shop, having the school girl fantasy is the only fantasy where you’re like Barbie. You get 3 sets of clothing instead of just 1 in other fantasies (French Maid only have ONE look and nurses only have ONE uniform, no?) The school girls have their PE attire, their uniform AND their swimming costume.
“Smoking, non-smoking??” The school girl snapped me out of my day dreaming. In the background, her colleague had her hair in pig tails and dressed in this:

The menus are regular; it’s not any pricier than regular food. We replied “Non-smoking!” and she led us to the other part of the room. The NORMAL looking side, where there’re no desks, no blackboards. I think this is the spot where they place patrons who come in groups. Only patrons who come alone have an agenda…to role play. I sulked. I wanted to sip orange juice, read comic books and have the one piece swimming costume school girl to serve me so I can drool at her fair skin and check if she shaved!! Or maybe you had to pay extra to sit in the corner like a naughty school boy.

Just before sitting down, I suddenly remembered to ask, “Errr..can take photo??” School girl in PE attire shook her head apologetically. “Oh! Sorry then. I’m not staying.” I apologetically replied. I know! I am cheapo. But 1) I am not sitting in the school desk area, which then defeats the purpose of me being in there. 2) the food might not be good because concept cafes usually don’t serve food but the theme 3) why should I waste my money if I am not getting the experience? Ha ha. Pity my friend who apologetically followed me out. Guess his skin wasn’t as thick as mine but I saved him $30 and possibly more!
We went back the next night to again try for the maid café that promised us English speaking maids and photos. However, I decided not to dine there after stepping in. It was full of cigarette smoke, the girls weren’t pretty and AREN’T ROLE PLAYING (they don’t speak to me submissively). There’re dozens of such cafes in Akibahara, so take your pick. Some are just deco (like the cos café at our own Chjmes have the girls dressed as FM), some DO role-play (I heard some KTV in Tanjong Pagar, the FM feed you $1 per scoop) but 99% of them do not allow photos (they don’t want to be caught on film as evidence to unsuspecting friends, families, colleagues).

Check out this, it has quite a good list. Always wanted a sister but your parents didn't give you one? There's the "Little Sister Cafe?" At Nagomi, you can play games with your "little sister." Just be careful not to trigger a violent temper tantrum.
There’s no embarrassment shopping in the adult stores (ok, there is for most people but my skin is REALLY thick). It’s mostly Japanese; some are young couples, mostly middle aged men. Then you get the occasional teenage Ang Moh tourists who come in and make a din due to amusement (and you’d think that the Westerners would have seen more sex stuff than Asians?) I felt uncomfortable at first; I was afraid the men will judge me and think I’m easy or sleazy. But the Japanese men were really polite and diverted their gazes away from me. The shop though 6 storeys, is very cramped inside. Aisles are narrow and rows and rows of products. I feel like a bull in a china shop. Once, I had to pass and interrupt a man examining a sex box intently. That was awkward.

They pack your purchases discreetly in brown or black paper bags. All very “professional”. I remember one funny incident last year, I saw this balding bespectacled Japanese man who bought the CHEAPEST and TINIEST bullet vibrator (SGD 2 only). The cashier didn’t bother wrapping it up for him. That dude had to ASK for the packaging and the cashier shot him a dirty look (thinking you cheeeeapo.) I was amused yet shocked at such display cause I thought Japanese take pride in packaging? They pack every single item you buy at the malls!
My marriage investments. Hehe. Bought my friend the Tenga egg and we aptly had omelette for breakfast while doing the present presentation last Saturday morning. He's supposed to give me a review.
 Adult magazines are abundant and readily available in convenience stores and newspaper stands. Many men shun that section JUST because i was standing there browsing. They must be shy, embarrassed to be made known that their fetish is to me. I am such an irritating tourist!
Nurse fetish.
School girl fetish.
Virgin fetish.
Auntie/Mature lady/ MILF fetish.

They also have Office Lady and many more others, costs about SGD 15. Want to check out inside???

Too much sex liao. Let's take a break. LOL. I am such a cock tease.
Pinochio's pupet master wasn't so popular so I pitied him and took a picture with him at Disney Sea. He turns out to be very photogenic! Disney is a place where dreams come true, a place where adults come to be children again, children come to continue their fantasies. Quite frankly, I think I’ve outgrown Disneyland, although I still rush towards the park like a kid, run about like an kiasu excited tourist. Adults seem to be better at behaving like children again though. Many women AND men don Mickey's ears,carried teddy bears, hung toys and popcorn buckets around their necks. Isn't it cubersome being burdened with such ding-dongs when you go for rides?
ONLY Tokyo has Disney Sea and i hear it's more adult compared to Disney Land. They're different parks with different entrance fees.You don't see as many Disney characters walking around here unlike in Disney Land,and there're more roller coasters compared to kiddie rides (although the entire land of Little Mermaid is dedicated to children).
However, if you are a serious adrenaline seeker like me, Disney is not a place for me. The rides are NO KICK.
But you have to go Disney at least once just to experience the magic. All the performances in there are worth your ticket price already anyway. My favourite one is the Little Mermaid where Ari-el and her friends do a song and dance suspended in the air.
This is the Tower of Terror that is an imitation of Twilight Zone in America. I was stoked when I saw this thinking it’s the same as the one I sat 10 years ago. Alas, it was a far cry from the original. The exterior looks exactly the same though. For the Twilight zone, you sit a lift and it takes you through the building and you see ghostly illusions all around. You get a bird’s eye view of Victorian ghosts dancing in a ballroom, you even see a reflection of yourself PLUS a ghost beside you in your carriage, it was AWESOME. State-of-the-art effects. Then the lift slowly rises to the 14th floor, and there is a gap in the building where you get to LOOK OUT. Then whoosh! The lift drops free fall ALL THE WAY TO GROUND LEVEL. It was THE ride of the century for me. After that, whenever I ride a lift, I was half expecting it to crash and burn.

Sadly, the one in Disney Sea was PEANUTS. It went up to 4th floor, without the plot, drop to second floor, then raised to 4th floor, then dropped to second floor again. Then THE END. A young girl cried though. Why did the parents take a 6 year old on a lift ride??! Maybe they were eager to go on it themselves, so got a little self centered. Although a thoughtful feature of Disney is they allow parents to take turns on rides. Dad can stay with the kid first while mum queues up. After mum returns, dad can go and jump queue. The Fast Pass available is also very useful. You do not need to pay extra or have a special ticket in order to use it. It’s near the rides’ queue, and is a machine where you can get a ticket so as to jump queue when you return to the ride later, after you’ve queued diligently at another ride! Takes abit of strategizing though but Disney Sea wasn’t overly crowded. Everything is performed in Japanese though.
Ok, the MOST embarrassing incident of the decade happened to me here in Disney. When i am a ripe old age of 2-5.
In Disney, adults become like children right? So I saw this adult wearing a Nemo on his head. I screamed like a spoilt child that I wanted one too! No, I didn’t do that. But I knew I wanted one because I LOVE collecting unique costumes for parties. I own afew green dresses. So I thought if I had this head gear, I can BE A SEAWEED! So I went to the shop and tried on Nemo. It was too big, it covered my eyes. So I saw Flounder, and it has an elastic band around so it fits snugly! I asked around for comments and they all agreed Flounder fits better although it was an unanimous agreement that I LOOKED STUPID.

I didn’t care; I wanted to be seaweed. Besides, I was deprived of my childhood because I wasn’t allowed to buy any Disney memorabilia when I went 14 years ago. Now I earn my own money, I can spend on whatever I want! *smug laughter* But before i went to the cashier, i was asking my brother what was the slit underneath the fin for? He shrugged, "Don't know. Maybe for you to pull it further over your head?"

I am not a bimbo. I thought that was rather weird. If that is the reason, shouldn't there be TWO slits under BOTH fins for TWO hands? But I didn't think much and took Flounder off the shelve and went to the cashier. “Sumimasen, do you have a new piece?”

Jiotomate kudai sai. I will call and check.”

Then as the cashier got on the phone to ask her colleague to check the stock, I decided to put the thing on my head just to try if it’s worn out because there is a likely chance she’ll tell me this is the only piece (it ALWAYS happens as Japan stores don’t usually keep inventories).


She immediately put down the phone and shrieked while gesturing wildly (must her reaction really be SO BIG?)

“ No no no…this is NOT head gear!”

“This is FOR TISSUE!! Seee…..”
It was MY turn to be horrified. I shamefully took it off my head and placed it on the counter. She then had the cheek to ask me, " So do you still want it??"

What can i do? I had to swallow my pride and say defiantly “YES!” Everyone around witnessed it, including my family. I went back to them to recount the story and everyone was rolling around with laughter. I laughed till I teared but I really wasn’t sure if they’re tears of laughter or tears of embarrassment.
If you ever see me as a seaweed, please compliment me and say i'm ingenious ok?! It's very soft and cuddly, by the way. But please don't touch my head, i hate people touching my head.
I also bought this 2 mobile charms but i used it as bag charms for my Kate Spades.
But i also saw cute Disney charms at the convenience store at the train station at a fraction of that price!! Ok, no second look the quality isn't as good and it comes in a box so you can only randomly pick! You won't be sure if you'll be getting the one you want.
Jafar is a meanie. He didn't want to take photo with me. When i was 11, i also saw him in America but he barred me from coming close to him with that golden stick of his. When i was 11, I had an autograph book which i had all the Disney characters sign. I don't know where that book is now, with much regrets. Also i didn't see any children chasing after characters with their autograph books. Maybe the era is different now, they're no longer naive.
Usually there is a queue to have your pictures taken with the characters. But sometimes people just surround it and hoard it. When that happens, you just got to be shameless and wriggle your way in!
I was hoping to bag some cheap costumes from Japan this trip. After all, they are the land of funky costumes, and costumes lets you be someone you're not usually.
The Japanese are very proud of their bush it seems (as observed from the onsen), so if you're lacking in them, you can don on a pubic hair costume. Or perhaps get a pubic hair wig! Uniquely Asian Products.
Like i said, they're fascinated with anything that can make fun of your anatomy.
Or if you want to be like Janet Jackson where you have a wardrobe malfunction...
Here's a new level of narcissicm: Check out your Mini-Me(s)!
Akibahara also have countless adult shops that solely concentrates on DVDs. That, is an eyesore literally. SIX LEVELS of DVDS. It's even bigger than the DVD section in our National Library. Scores and scores of DVDs, i suggest you better to know what/ who you're looking for before visiting one. You know, Japanese AV stars look SO pretty and innocent that you can't tell she is an AV star if you met her on the streets. Same goes with Japanese prostitues. They usually have a slutty look, but not the Japanese ones. This is why they're highly sought after i suppose. There're many school girls (not role play ones, real school girls) who are recruited to be AV stars. Just like how model wannabes are recruited here in Orchard Road. I witnessed a dude passing his name card out to 1 particular girl out of a group of schoolgirls. School girls go into this trade because they want to sustain a materialistic lifestyle. The Japanese are very mindful about image. Carrying branded PAPER BAGS is a sign of status. So much so that teenagers who can't afford the Gucci or LV will then buy the paper bag for $5 or $10 from friends/ sisters to carry to school.

Anyway, back to the DVDs..the shit fetish theme caught my eye. I turned to the back and saw some screen grabs of the film. And i saw a golden stool where a girl expectedly squats over it. Glancing to the display cupboard beside the DVD rack, guess what i saw??

That's right...the golden stool as seen in the film is on sale too.
You really need some stamina blogging about Japan. There's simply too much to see and tell! The next post will be the last installment.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

reminds me of my visit to tokyo years ago. Things haven change much after

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