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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

When in Amsterdam...

You've got to do what the locals do.

1. Cycle
Before you cycle, one gets lost a lot when in Amsterdam. Canals make up the streets and sometimes the locals don't even know where is what. We almost gave up looking for Mike's Bike Tours but we managed to and it's one of the most enjoyable activity, other than standing behind the window.
For 21 euros, we get a spunky guide, join a group of 8 (no advance booking necessary) and cycle through the city into the outskirts and visit 1 of the 5 shoemakers in Holland.
Clog shoes are not a touristy thing, the Dutch really wear them still!
They're like slippers.
2. Be Informed
There are free walking tours that runs everyday setting off from Dam Square at 11am. They are conducted by volunteers and live off tourist tips. We joined one and got to learn a lot about the history and culture of the place. Some of the information helped with my post about standing behind a real window in the red light district.

Amsterdam is by far my most favourite European city because it is a place where both good and evil meets. There is a church right smack in the middle of the Red Light District because back in the 14th century, sailors dock in Amsterdam, visit a prostitute and have a need to confess before going back to ship. The church is thus located for their convenience to confess before or after the dirty deed.
While Amsterdam is a destination known of drugs, sex and anything imaginable (the government is trying to change that image), it is not a place about condemnation. That's the beauty of Amsterdam.

As a Singaporean, i must say i'm pretty ignorant about drugs and the safety of sexual relations. This was not part of the education system when i was studying.
There are many museums in Amsterdam to visit, including the renowned Anne Frank but i sheepishly admit i only found time for the sex museum. In my defence, it opens till 11pm while the rest closes very early! My friends kept making fun of me and even took me to the Anne Frank after it was closed and forced me to take a picture outside it to prove at least i've been there to see its entrance.

For 4 euros, the sex museum (there are a couple but i went to the largest, 4 levels along the main street near Dam Square) houses the history of sex. Artifacts from centuries ago, is is mostly of Chinese and Western displays.
I've always thought that Disney porn only came about in the era of Internet, i was surprised to find it exists long time ago!
Popeye porn.
It was amusing to see the Chinese very well represented in the museum.

Sex on pottery.
Before the Internet came, it's porn on mobile. Drop a dollar in and look through the viewfinder to
see pictures that flip to make it a moving visual.
The Westerners have their sex on porcelain too.
Playboy, today, fights the availability of the Internet.
This was how condoms came packaged.

When it comes to sex, there are bound to have tacky outlandish displays. The museum have a couple of interactive exhibits that gives audio and physical entertainment.

My friend tricked me into sitting on this chair. Watch my reaction.
Got a shock when something beneath me pumped up!
3. Be on the Other Side
The other beauty about Amsterdam is while the center is full of explicit cardinal sin, there are other areas that are bohemian, quaint and sweet. Cross a canal and you find yourself in a totally different spot. It was surreal.
The streets are narrow and people transport furniture through the windows via a pulley on top.
We enjoy peeping into the ceiling to floor windows, the interior deco in most houses are gorgeous.
We chose to stay in the outskirts.
It was a nice budget hotel except we get lost every night finding our way home.
The only free boob you can touch (for luck).

4. Eat Dutch
Not one for tacky restaurant names, however i've heard this one is good.
We queue where the locals queue.
 Especially when they eat like that.
A Dutch friend recommended me to get the sausage from the wall. I raised my eyebrow when i heard that.

Then, i knew what he meant. It's Febo! A after-party or mid day snack.
Who moved my cheese?

5. The Party Never Ends
Arty condoms, presumably not for wearing.
Amsterdam is not a place for prudes, the Dutch are very open-minded individuals.
Girls celebrating their Hen's Night in broad daylight. 
Find tacky souvenirs.
There is so much sex in the city that one can't help but see everything in a phallic way. It's not just me, but my friends feel the same way too! I've always wondered if sexual crimes happen because the transgressor is exposed to a lot of sex or if it's because they are very suppressed from it and thus they act out. There isn't quite a thesis to that, but gratefully for squeaky clean Singapore, we have a relatively low crime rate. However, despite the abundance of sex in Amsterdam, crime rate is relatively low too.
You can watch live shows from 2 euros to 40 euros

Day 1, the landmark at Dam Square looks phallic.
Day 2, pillars also look phallic.
Day 4, the bicycle seats start looking phallic.

By day 5, when McWrap start looking phallic, you know it's time to leave Amsterdam.


Silver said...

Mmmm~~~~ Getting horny~~~ Come, admit! Any "feeling" when you were looking at fornication displays in the museum? >.<

Xtine said...

lol, pot calling kettle black!

Silver said...

!!!!!! How could you?? Lol!!!

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