Helen's Day Out.

It was a hot hot hot Sunday afternoon. We took Helen (the boat) out to cool off.

The host BBQs on sea, serving delectable salads, chunky juicy steaks and

lobster wannabes! (prawns were massive)

I'm definite the sea breeze sprinkled some sea salt on, making it even tastier.

We reached our destination, only to find it discovered by some others too! People were speeding around in their jetskis, children jumping off the planks.

Feeling a little sea sick already, i had to get out of the boat. The boys swam across to discover the island, i stayed behind watching a beautiful scene play out.

This was it, a picture perfect family.

It's kinda amusing seeing how adults turn into silly things, cooing and aahing, pretending to be amused by every single thing the little prince does. His 2 Philipino companions does that 24/7. Kudos.

My baby cousin is sickenly cute!

As we sail back to shore, the sun beautifully sets.

Polo Ralph Lauren berms, Burberry tee, Oosh Kosh napkin, Dior sunglasses.

My favourite boys.

Lesson from the Bird Park.

Definitely an Asian species. Haha!

Grandpa,why are your ears so big?

He told me one day that as you grow older, your ears grow bigger. Today, i was waiting in queue in DBS bank and i saw many old men with humongous ears. At the same time, they were giving off a sour smell too. I wonder if it's an "old people's" smell, because they don't look dirty.

I quickly glanced around for old women, and i realised their ears are still proportionately shaped (thankfully!)

I did a Google and found that there is research done on the correlation of men in particular, their age and the size of their ears. As research found out, the cartilage in the ear continues to grow as one ages (probably accelerates too), thus the large ears at old age!

However, large ears according to Chinese superstitions, are associated to longevity. And it seems to be proven that  old men with smaller ears are linked to more heart diseases.

Men, watch your ears. Oh well, even if they grow to be as big as Mickey Mouse's, there's not much you can do to prevent it from happening anyway. Marry someone not because of looks, because looks fade.

Christmas is coming.

I like making personalised cards.

Christmas used to be a huge fanfare in our childhood church. We look forward to the Eve, where the boys scramble to write their Xmas cards.

 After the formal celebration in Church, we usually pack into some mode of transport to head on to the "real" party.

Being good kids, Xmas is the ONLY time we have a little bit of alcohol.

We play card games, we eat, we say silly stuff. Then we go to bed.

Since young, we've never spent one Christmas apart. But now that we've all grown up and gone our seperate ways, these were pictures from the LAST Christmas we've spent together.

I guess Charlie Angles was "the" movie of 2004.

The Sleaze Biz.

Asia is actually sleazier than the Western countries, so I’ve heard. We have the dodgy massage parlors while the Western world has never heard of it (until they come to Asia.) Footnote: Increasingly, the Western world is adopting such businesses.

Asia has “working” girls standing on the streets, soliciting. Western countries go by bookings of social escorts. Otherwise there’re the legal brothels that silently sit in a dark corner of a street (I should have taken a picture and shown you the contrast!). It’s usually a lonesome building, looking cold in fact. They’re unlike the streets of Geylang or Patpong where legal brothels shout for attention with their red lanterns and flashing neon lights. Pimps wave you in, girls peep from their windows.

Let me unravel to you what I know of the shady business. They’re neither on trade secrets nor an undercover story. They’re just random nuggets of information, probably useless but entertaining to know, nonetheless. However, as life is about a learning process, I gain to learn from all these “useless” information!

And I shall share…

• My friend who was a stand-in receptionist at a brothel up in the mines of Australia, told us the procedure was the men will have to call in and make a booking with the girl of their choice and state what service or extras they would like to have. The receptionist then makes a reservation, and tells him the charge beforehand.

And so, she says..you would be surprised the actions these men requests when they call in. Some industry high-fliers actually requests to have vegetables inserted in their behind. Yes, the men are expected to detail exactly what they want done/ be done in order to get a quote for the reservation.

My learning: These men trapped up in the mines, all testosterones and no hormones need an outlet. Men need admiration from their spouses and spouses should learn to listen. A married couple should be open with each other about their sex life, and learn to share their fantasies with no judgment. I reckon the married men who visit the brothel to have “abnormal” wishes acted upon are probably embarrassed to bring this fantasy into their marriage.

•  Many years ago, I heard that the Chinese girls are the premium breed on the streets of Geylang. Looking hotter than the rest, they command a fee of $80 for their services. And that is by per shot. And so there was a story of a friend’s friend (it’s always a friend’s friend whose friend isn’t it?) who contracted one for the job for his virgin night. They took a shower together, and just from her touch, he spilled. And thus ended the job, $80 gone.

Years have passed. The prices have risen. Foreign workers haggle with women in the alleys of Little India. I saw one haggling at $40 (thus my deduction that the bargaining price probably started at $60?)

$200 to have a woman from Orchard Towers for the entire night. These, I would consider caters to the less wealthy but needy men. If you think about it, it’s not much. $200 to eat-all-you-want in 1 night. Imagine if she did fellatio ala carte x 5. She could have earned more.
To the higher-end customers, it’s $100 for fellatio at a Men’s Executive Club. You pay $60 to enter a posh spa that comes with a bath robe, jaccuzi, free coffee and sandwiches. This $60 includes a 1 hour massage (read: 45 mins caress) and 15 minutes into the caress, she asks in a sultry voice if you would like extras. Prices start at an additional $60 for a hand job.

My learning: Some of these girls really give you a massage (albeit soft strokes instead of firm deep tissue strokes) before extending the invitation to take up their special services. So, if you want a massage that is not from a man, not from an old auntie with rough hands…you can consider a Men’s Executive Club. The girls are young and pretty. Just be warned you won’t get your money’s worth (paying for 1 hour, but only getting 45 minutes). But you win some (pretty girl massaging you), you lose some (losing $15 worth of massage time). Just be pretty damn determined to resist the temptation, you’ll walk out proud.

• In the early night, cabs line up illegally outside Orchard Towers. The official taxi queue is long and slow, thus if you needed a quick getaway with your “purchase”, you can hop into one of these “illegal” cabs and be prepared to be charged ridiculously high. We were quoted $20 to get from Orchard Towers to Shangri-La (Orchard). When we eventually took the “good” cab, the fare was $5. It was quite fun going up to the illegal cabs, asked for the quote and then go “AHA! I now report you to the Police! I took down your license plate.” You then see them scurry (drive off) in fear. Lonely Planet actually warned tourists about these “taxis”.

My learning: Imagine that! I never would have thought such touts would exist in lawful Singapore!

• There’re various reasons why working girls work. Annabel Chong started off her naked modeling career to pay her school fees, then continued to prove she was a feminist, stopped for a period because of the oppressive social stigma ( i.e. didn’t want to shame her parents) but went back into the porn industry because “since judgment and impression is already there, it can’t be reversed (my analogy).”

The girls I see hooking up at Geylang usually leave their spot on their street emotionless. Usually the man walks in front of her. The girls I see hooking up at Little India actually looks happy when they get hooked up. I saw this young sari-clad girl turning around to her working friends as she walked away with the man. Face lit up, mouthing some words, as if to say “Now I have money to eat!”

• I mistakenly checked out a budget hotel along Lavender Street one night (for overseas friends). Once, twice, thrice I gave it the benefit of the doubt as I approached the hotel, walked in and scanned the premises. My doubts were verified when waiting for the receptionist to attend to me. I saw a man with a woman checking-in. The man was very wishy-washy in the entire process; the woman had to produce her passport. He didn’t want to sign the forms to check-in but instead held the woman’s hand to make some sort of a scribble. Was it because he didn’t want to leave a trace? Or he was just not even gentleman enough to check-in?

He then asked for something from the receptionist (which I didn’t hear. He must have whispered). She then pulls a NTUC bag full of condoms from beneath and passed him two. $4 for two.

My learning: I could have made a killing by selling the condoms for $3 each! Buyers are desperate, and therefore will buy at any price! $2 is too cheap. Only a $0.50 mark-up! I would make a ruthless business woman .

•  Lastly, Women Clubs are emerging in Singapore too. Tai-tais and career women are making their visits to these places. Some are just for a fun girl’s night out. Some are seriously looking to be serviced. The exterior looks like a nice place. With 2 stone lions standing watch, and an antique Eastern style wooden door, complete with knockers.

Drinks are exorbitantly priced there, ($60 for a jug of beer. $30 at Zouk?) So only the affluent can patron. Men wear sashes on stage, dancing and singing while girls giggle off-stage. The men, mainly Chinese, aren’t exactly model gorgeous, but are passable. The women patron averages in their thirties to fifties. Some are even actually not bad looking! The sashes state their bidding price, starting from $100 to $500. You tell the male version of a mama-san your offer price, and at the end of the night, you leave with your toy boy.

I shall now end abruptly, I hope you had a juicy read.

One Way.

I asked many men if they would mind their girl altering their face (plastic surgery).
Men: “ I don’t mind.”
Men: “Doesn’t really bother me.”
Men: “Don’t really care.”

Then I asked, “But what if your kid comes out and the baby looks TOTALLY different. I.E in extreme cases, a face change”

Men: “OH RIGHT!! Hmmm….I never thought of it that way.”

A moment of silence, as their eyebrows frown and they slip into serious concentration and consideration.

Again, I asked many men what they thought about one-night stands. If we take sexual diseases out of the equation (read: protection), they wouldn’t really mind.

Men: “Sure.”
Men: “No big deal.”
Men: “Can do.”
Men: “Would do.”

Then I asked, “But what if the next day, the psycho bitch turns around and accused you of rape?”

Men: “OH RIGHT!! Hmmm….I never thought of it that way.”

A moment of silence, as their eyebrows frown and they slip into serious concentration and consideration.

As much as I love men, I really think they think one way.

If only they think one way with just one girl.

Symmetrical Beauty?

I'm sure you've heard that the epitome of beauty is to have your face symmetrical. Here's what it really looks like if you have a symmetrical face:

Ayumi

  This girl surprisingly looks almost the same though. Hmmm......is my experiment about to be proven wrong?

One of my past favourites, Kristy Yeung.

No more my favourite. Haha. How superficial.

Zhang Ziyi

Beautiful faces can be functionally asymmetrical.

MILF

So far, i've only seen ONE hot mum in Singapore. Minus celebrities. Like REAL people. She looked something like this:

Yeah, i looked kinda preggers with that hand on my tummy. She was Malay and had 2 young children with her at my dentist. She probably wedded an Ang Moh because her children looked adorably mixed. She had ANOTHER bump (3 young children!), sported a short bob and wore a long tube fitted dress. I also noticed the mega rock on her finger. Which made me wonder, must you really be rich in order to be a MILF?

I guess it does make it easier. Just like how i feel the saying has changed to " There's no ugly girls, just lazy girls" to "There's no ugly girls, just poor girls". Money can help with one's looks. Although i must stress money isn't everything. Money can't buy you loyalty, money can't buy you commitment. Money can't buy you health. Money can't buy you inner satisfaction.

It's quite scary becoming a mother. The sacrifices a woman makes to bear a child. Her hips widen permanently (huge ass alert), her nose broadens (my friend says if you're having a boy, it happens! and it seems to be proven! i'm wondering if her nose goes back to normal after the boy is born. What if it doesn't?) I know 2 brothers. The elder one had a nice sharp nose, the second one had a big flat one. Like his mum. And i thought maybe his mum had a perfect nice one when she was carrying the elder one, that's why his was nice! But when she bore the second one, he would have inherited the fat flat one because that's what his mum developed when carrying the first child!

It's a wonderful circle of life. You from nowhere, meeting him from somewhere. Coming together, to create a brand new life. What a miracle!

A husband, who after his wife had given birth, couldn't shit for days. He filled the bath tub full of water and encouraged her to release herself in it. He cleaned the bath tub after. That was the greatest love story i ever heard.

Nonetheless, if i ever become one, I vow to be a MILF.

Everybody Loves PCK

If everyone is embarrassed about Ris Low, then why does everybody loves PCK?

What co-incidence, while waiting for the train today,i was hearing the PCK MTV blasting out on the plasma screen. Singing his Singlish song about courtesy on public transport, i was pondering if foreigners who visit our country will be recording this down to display to their friends back at home laughing about it. Like how we laugh about bad English used on signages in Japan or China.

Yet, to drill the courtesy message into Singaporeans, we need to use a Singaporean icon and use the Singaporean lingo. Singapore can't make up her mind. On one hand, she wants her citizens to speak Good English, on the other hand, they use PCK to front the courtesy campaign. I don't think it's entirely bad taste because a horse can't understand a rabbit, can it?

For the record, i absolutely adore watching PCK too!

And in my opinion, people with bad English shouldn't be mocked. No one was born speaking well. It's something groomed since young. If our parents who were brought up in the Malay/ Chinese influences back in the 60s can't speak good English, are you then ashamed of them?

You speak with an accent, they say you're poseur/ SPG. You speak broken, they say you're unsophisticated. You speak proper, they say you're tao. Oh well, life's complicated and it's so fun living it!

I can't deny though, the above video IS rather funny.

Live and laugh.

Urban Jungle

The only thing i dislike about Singapore is the crowds. Wait, make that two things..crowds AND heat. When i arrived back in Singapore 2 years ago, i remember my shock when i boarded the MRT at 11AM to go shopping. It was 70% filled with people. Which was never the case before i left Singapore. 11am is a time when people are either at school or at work. It's neither lunch time nor rush hour. At a time like that, the MRT usually and should be filled with mothers with young children or the elderly.

Now, it's a common sight for the MRT to be packed with people at the odd hours. Even at 11PM.

And so you can imagine the train in the morning, when everyone is going to work. It's packed like sardines.

I experienced:

1) the door closing and knocking the bridge of my nose (for a moment, i thought i was disfigured)

2) being pressed against the door (i kept getting these Final Destination moments where i imagined the driver opening the wrong door and i fall out.It made me wonder if there's a safety feature that when the train is moving, no matter what buttons you press, the doors WILL NOT open. They ought to have that.)

3) stepping on a woman's toes who got very PISSED (come on, it wasn't thaaaat bad. I didn't really step on you. I ALMOST stepped, but i didn't.) Because of that, i became VERY cautious when i am wearing open toes. I knew, i just cannot get pissed at someone if that happened to me. I am a docile creature, contary to popular belief.

4) a man holding on to my waist as he exits the train! He's a Chinese young man and he treated me like a doll, where he placed both his hands on my hips and moved me to one side. Without saying anything! Not that if he had said "excuse me" would have granted him putting his hands on my waist. But....but....but......

That's the thing. I knew i should have screamed "Molest!" but i just couldn't. I didn't know/ didn't dare to react. Its as if i was afraid people would give me the eye and accuse me of being dramatic. When i was 14, i was in a crowded bookstore (World of JJ) at Bishan MRT. Another Chinese young man man brushed against my breasts...i felt violated. But i thought, maybe it was just crowded. So i let it slide.

Occurance time: Afternoon

Then i saw a flasher (another occassion la. Not so suay 2 times in a day!)on the steps of the overhead bridge at Bishan MRT. He was sitting there, legs opened and his fly was open and his thing dangling. Because his skin was dark, i wasn't quite sure if i saw correctly. All i knew was i quickly hurried past him. Again, i was afraid to dial 999.

Occurance time: Afternoon

And last year, on my way to work, i heard the bushes rustling as i was approaching. My heart stopped, i was afraid a mad dog was going to run out. Instead, it was a man MASTURBATING in the bushes. Facing the pathway, next to a bus-stop. It was in BROAD DAYLIGHT!! At 9AM! At this moment, a little older..i was very tempted to whip out my camera to snap a picture. But....i was 1) late for work, 2) didn't bring my camera 3) was afraid he's going to SHOOT me (yucks!)

I didn't call the police either. Sigh....i'm so ashamed of myself.

Please don't be as cowardly as me. Bring such men to justice.

Look Alike(s).

Zhang Ziyi('09)

Paige Chua ('09)
RuiEn   ('05)
Steph Song('08)

I've been liken but i think we just have the same face shape. Everything else is pretty much what everyone else have. Eyes, nose etc. But i DO have some friends who look like Dawne Johnson, Felicia Chin/ Zoe Tay (can't decide), Thomas Ong and another Rui En. Let me dig it out another time.

Strangers have thought i was Thai or Japanese. So much so that when i was in the MRT in 2003 (before the strict No Eating rule was enforced), an Auntie asked me if i was Singaporean. Thinking she was just going to comment i look Japanese, i proudly confirmed i was Singaporean. She then raised her eyebrow and asked, "Don't you then know there's no eating in the traints?" I think i mentioned this before, did i? >_<