Menopausal Gadgets

When i was a student, my laptop was my lifeline. And it has made my heart stopped beating for a brief second, too many times. The times when it hangs, the times when its processor starts spinning really loud, the times when THE DREADED blue screen appears.

When that happens, you know what i'll do? I sweet talk it.

Yes, i coo to it like a baby, i cajole it to work again. Then as a safety net, i prayed very hard too. Just in case technology doesn't hear me, God will.

I should have gone for a Mac.


Apple create its ads by creating personalities and characters. It HUMANISED technology. If plants grow better when humans talk to it, why not technology performing better when you sweet talk it?

It's common that when a computer crashes, people commit some kind of computer violence. Whether is it they hurl abuse, they bang the keyboard or jam the off/on button repeatedly, people panic when they feel helpless over lost data.

However, this probably do more harm than good and it might cost even more if you threw the laptop out the window or down to the floor.

I may be a tom boy but i am gentle as a lamb. My heart aches whenever someone turns off the computer without shutting down properly. I could feel the computer's pain. Knowing how to deal with computer crashes is a good way to practice anger management too. Take it as a good time to peel away from that screen. And about retyping all that info? Well, it trains your perseverance. 

Do technology have feelings? We do kinda have an intimate relationship with technology because it affects a person's moods, emotions and feelings.

Prosthetic hands, a robohand for amputees have always been a functional replacement without feeling. Now, the European doctors, scientists and engineers have devised one that can be wired to nerves in the patient's body, transmitting signals to the wearer's brain that mimic the sensations sent by a biological hand. Soon, you'll find robo fingering. Trust me, there can be ANYTHING imaginable in porn.

Then, there is the Funktionide, a pillow-like robot that has special sensors that reacts to human touch to show when it is happy or in love.

This conceptual shape changing robot is used to relieve loneliness, using artificial muscle technology. The Japanese are already looking into creating a webcam that can project a friend's face on it.

Talk about dry humping the bolster, fantasizing about that hottie.

Cuddle up and watch a movie on Sat night.

Potential scene for science fi flick

It natural defense mechanism when it's not in the mood for dry humping.

For all the times i sweet talked my computer, i didn't think i was crazy. It wasn't too far back when we talked to our toys isn't it? I swear i came across a theory paper online that talking to technology/ gadgets IS a proven way to get it working again. However, i am unable to retrieve that paper, no matter how hard i Google. I don't think i dreamt that up or i deluded myself. Crazy people however tend to tell themselves they're not crazy, like drunkards.

But i guess i'm not the only one out there to believes so because there's another 14,083 idiots like me.

I went as far as to tell my laptop "In a moment's time, i will look away so you don't have to be shy in wanting to work again. Just in case you're too egoistic to give in to me."

Then i squeeze my eyes shut and squeeze it tight while chanting "let it work, let it work, please please please...."

Then i gingerly pry my eyes open. So i can resonate with these guys......

Best Use of Social Media

My favourite case studies to help you with that school paper!

Skittles Touch


MINI Getaway


Yellow Chocolate


Tipex - what naughty words would you input? Fucks, Fart, Feed, the team really thought of every word imaginable!!


Love Distance


Animation Scare

The Blog Bubble

8 out of 10 holds an iphone in Singapore. The irony of the iPhone is while it made us more social (technically), it made us very anti-social as well.

I am guilty of checking my phone first thing in the morning, eyes fixated on it while travelling (even missing my stop sometimes), and even getting distracted on dates. For once, men get to tell me “My eyes are up here, and not down there!”

Social media undeniably has its benefits; it made us a lot more social globally connecting with friends from 10,000 miles away.

Ten years ago, planning a birthday party or even a wedding, we’ll spend hours making phone calls and sending out invites. Now, with a click of a mouse, you send an event invite via Facebook and you won’t risk forgetting anybody.

BUT …

Is that sincere? How do you feel knowing you are one of the 800 friends she has invited?  What if I rsvp as “Maybe Attending”, won’t that put the marrying couple in a limbo in reserving banquet tables?

To be fair, Facebook invites is a fantastic tool to initiate random gatherings, parties or beach outing s. But I ought to be getting a present or giving a red packet, I’ll expect some sincerity in the invitation.

The friend who sent out Facebook invites for her wedding? She was sorely disappointed with the turnout but had no clue why.

Parents now jump onto social media sites to keep in touch/ keep track of their children.  To children, that’s a private space and they may not necessary want to “friend” you.

My Western friends grew up climbing trees, and pressing olive oil. Here in Singapore, I see children four-eyed and DS-lite, PS-2 and the likes strapped around their wrists. Even the dead are getting Ipad 2 and Iphone 5! Funny, everything imaginable is available, but there’re no sanitary pads (they’ve servants, ointments and chicken rice), condoms and Penthouse (they have majong, beer and massage chair). 

The Internet is SO amazing that it has helped me with homework, work, knowledge, entertainment and even catch cheating partners or sniff out potential players. Because of that proven case study, any partners henceforth who is secretive or protective about his online persona hints to me that he has got something to hide and may not be entirely faithful.

Then again, wise users do know that the corporate world judges your online persona and colleagues gossip about what they find. It’s my conscious effort not to delve too deep over why a lover is secretive over his online actions but I am caught in a dilemma over which school of thought wins.

On the other side of the fence, the people who have 99 albums on Facebook or 20 self-shots in one blog post do want people to form impressions of their online reputation.  If you check Facebook more than once a day, you are likely to be more narcissistic and insecure with others. You may get defensive, because it’s not a label you want to be slapped with. 

It’s proven however, that as Snow White’s Queen constantly asks the mirror who is the fairest of them all, Facebook walls has a positive influence on your self esteem because it allows you to put your best face forward.

There are many chronic twitters out there. How many friend’s tweets or status updates have you seen that is self-promoting?

“I just ate at an expensive restaurant.”

“My darling just cooked more me, love love love.”

“Check me out here.”

I admit, with the increasing plastic surgery being performed on young girls, I did feel the pressure of becoming the new ugly.

I too admit, seeing all these self-promoting tweets, did pressure me into tweeting some “ It’s so romantic here! Love love love.”  But the fact is, that wasn't real.

Everyone has insecurities, but the WWW has made this side of everyone ever so prominent.

Fake Facebook Conversation Generator. That is an application that allows you to create fake girlfriend/boyfriend who will leave you facebook wall posts and @mentions.  So don’t fret if you feel you are losing in the coupledom race, just because that ugly friend finally got attached.

Is un-friending an ex-boyfriend/ girlfriend or friend whom you quarreled with childish? Like when in school we tell kids we dislike "Don't Friend You!" coupled with a push into the sandbox maybe.

It’s a grey area.

Before Facebook, you just stop talking isn’t it? With Facebook, we make friendships and relationships OFFICIAL.

Then there are the malicious comments. These haters find comfort and safety being anonymous, so they write freely called internet bashing. They are cowardly, and they haven't got a life.

2 prolific bloggers in Singapore are often the victims of internet bashing.

Why do they make people so angry that these anonymous haters feel a need to hurl verbal abuse and slander? Is it because they are young, pretty and successful? Is it because the haters sit around bored, mad at the world so they target someone to bash on the internet?

But there are the strangers who trust strangers (buying a product, going to a restaurant based on your reviews). An encouraging word, an uplifting fan email do wonders in this world where we badly need, just so to stop those suicides happening because of internet bashing.

We can't stop the haters from commenting, sometimes we just have to take the beating until these losers grow up, move on or find someone else to target.

Is social media degrading society?

I’m sure you’ve come across these Facebook trends where people change their profile pictures to cartoon characters just so to advocate anti-violence for children. Then, putting a colour on your Facebook status to spread Breast cancer awareness etc.

Someone altered the original and spread the rumour that “the group asking everyone to change their profile picture to their favourite cartoon is actually a group of pedophiles. They are doing it because kids will accept their friend requests faster if they see a cartoon picture.”

Both scenerios, in what way is both content motivating you to do anything after reading them? Did social media really make us care about a social cause? Those who are changing their profile pictures for the campaign do not realize that this is NOT a form of social activism. It’s slacktivism.

When will the social media bubble burst? What will come after blogs, Twitter and Facebook?

We should start focusing on the life we are in, rather than the one we are connected to via a machine.

Only the intelligent will understand this.

Wonderland

And one day, we'll visit Socotra Island and i'll be Alice, you be the hare.

Ends of the Earth

They say the Earth is round.

The movies say, "I'll go to the ends of the world for you!"

One day, i'll reach the ends of the world with you.

Mount Roraima, bordered by three different countries (Venezuela, Brazil and Guyana) whose border lines intersect on the massive shelf, is surrounded on all four sides by sheer 400-meter high cliffs. While its cliff walls are only scalable by the most experienced of climbers, there is a hiking path up the mountain’s natural ramp-like path (usually a two-day hike).

However, the mountain is worth a visit for more reasons than its impressive cliffs. Mount Roraima, part of Venezuela's 30000-square-kilometer Canaima National Park, is the site of the highest peak of the country of Guyana’s Highland Range. The mountains of this range, including Roraima, are considered to be some of the oldest geological formations known, some dating back to two-billion years ago. Its near daily rains have also created a unique ecosystem which includes several endemic species, including a unique carnivorous pitcher plant, and some of the highest waterfalls in the world.

Culturally, the mountain has long held significance to the indigenous people of the area and features prominently in their myths and folklore. It was also the inspiration for the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s novel, The Lost World as well as for Paradise Falls in the 2009 Pixar film, Up. 

Oh My God

Going to church was a habitual routine, I didn’t like it.

My father nagged non-stop at us to read the Bible, I didn’t like it.

My mother used the Word and pressured me, I didn’t like it.

I was judged by the people in church, I didn’t like it.

I was born a Christian and I guess I had been believing blindly, just because my parents said so.

As a child, I’ve had many near death experiences (drowning thrice and driving an AVT off the cliff) but I didn’t think much about what He was trying to tell me.

Then it became pretty obvious He was speaking to me.

My younger brother used to sleep in the same bedroom as me. We shared a double decker bed and he slept on the upper deck.

As school children, we go to bed at about 1030pm. We had a habit of lying in bed and chatting to sleep. One night, we were tucked in and about to drift off to sleep.  My house phone rang and my dad picked it up. My dad’ll usually grumble and say “who’s this calling so late?”, but because he is a friend from church and my dad is kind of biased, he informed me of the phone call.

I got up to answer the call. The clock read 10.45pm. Just as I stepped out of bed and reached the phone in the kitchen, the upper deck my brother was sleeping in COLLAPSED. The double decker was made of wood and something gave way. My brother woke up abruptly and said it felt like a roller coaster. My mouth hung open as I saw the damage. If I had been sleeping soundly beneath, I would have been flat as a blood pancake.

Immediately I conveyed this miracle to my friend on the phone and asked him why did he call me. He said he couldn’t remember but felt he needed to call me.

Still, after this incident, I didn’t think much about reconciling with my faith (ungrateful human).

My grades had never been good ( I fail Physics, Chemistry, Maths and Geography) and I didn’t do good enough to enter Junior College. I applied for Ngee Ann Polytechnic and there was ONLY ONE course I wanted to be in: Mass Communications. It was THE polytechnic and THE course to get in; they had pretty high entry requirements. If I didn’t get into that, my future looked bleak.

So I prayed.

There were 2 entry tests. One was essay writing, the other was an interview. The essay’s topic was on Cloning. My general knowledge on world affairs was VERY POOR. I did not know what cloning was, but I wrote and I bullshit my way through. I passed.

Not only my general knowledge was bad, I was muddle-headed. I mixed my interview date up and when I turned up for my interview, I was a DAY LATE.

Still, I made it in.

At 19, freshly graduated and fearing like any Singaporean, if I didn’t get employed immediately, my future looked bleak.

So I prayed. This time I cried buckets too, for effect.

Thankfully, my hot tears didn’t crank up the keyboard in front of me. Wiping my tears dry in a split second, I sent in my resume for a fashion retail SME.

Within 60 minutes, I got called for an interview and its office was near my home!

Within 90 minutes, I was in their office for my interview.

Within 180 minutes, I got the job!

After that incident, I stopped fearing because I knew there is Christ, my Provider.

I then went on for further studies overseas and got a job offer from a media firm just before graduation. I was very blessed!

Politics then got a little too much there and I left, but it was a blessing in disguise! I got to do something meaningful, got a pay increment, had flexible working hours AND got to achieve on this blog.

My childhood made me tough, I did not believe in showing my vulnerability. I do not cry in public, I don’t shed a tear. However, when I first heard this song in church, my tears flowed and flowed. 

I never could understand why Christians can shout, jump and laugh in church. Frankly, that was all abit too much for me, it made my hair stand.

I didn’t like the Christains who praise God non-stop and linked everything to God. They make my hair stand.

Now, I understood.

I like that He is my Healer (the more I pray, the less painful my heart felt during heartbreak)

I like that He is my Strength (going to church is like singing some Karaoke and listening to a motivational speech)

I like that He is my Provider (money and opportunities just land in my lap)

Here’s a practical and rational thought: If Christ is not real and it had all been a lie, what is there to lose when the world ends?

But IF Christ is real and everything you believed about this faith is true, haven't you hit jackpot?

Faces of orgasm are never a pretty sight (they all look like in pain), but the faces of orgasm (ecstasy) in church look so serene. For a different kind of coming.

There’s only so much a man can plan, we all need a leap of faith.

What are your Habits?

I have always been a very curious girl, sometimes too curious for my own good but most times curious for good. The weirdest habit I can remember that I have as a kid was to dig my ass and smell it.

Yes, you heard me right. I dig my ass and smell it. Not penetrating, but just gently scratching around the rim and smelling. No, I do not do it on a naked ass, but you’ll be surprised you still get a smell through the clothes! 

I never thought I was weird, I thought every kid did that. After all, I always see my elder brother waving his finger to the other brother asking him to smell it and I am guessing he just put it somewhere gross (i.e. ass).

 There's alot of "Smell My Finger" pictures on the internet by the way. 

Then I went to the Your Body exhibition at Science Center and there was an exhibit where they had 4 tunnels with smells captured from “your ” feet, ass, nostrils and armpits. 

I lift the flaps gingerly, afraid to smell “someone else’s”. Boy, it was NASTY. The exhibit’s objective was to teach us about germs, I suppose.  Only then did I stop my weird habit, because I realized it’s unhygienic and definitely disgusting.

Deep down I am in denial of my childhood habit being weird. I do ask my friends if they dig and smell their ass as a kid and although all of them raise their eyebrow at me and say “No Way”, I think they are liars. Of course, I didn’t tell them I did that, I merely shrug and said, “Oh, I heard that children do that” but here I am baring my soul. I feel safe talking to myself.

In my teenage years, I developed a different type of habit. I’d say its paranoia. I would often go to the toilet before I leave home, before I go to bed. I don’t think I have pee, but I’d still go anyway. I have a fear of wetting my bed because I once dreamt I was in a bathroom and the cubicles were full so I squat on the floor and released. I woke up drenched.  I will often feel I forgot to lock up,  thus often making a trip back after leaving.

My friends joke that I have obsessive-compulsive disorder just because I don’t like to swap saliva by sharing utensils or drinks.

What weird habits do you have? If you'd care to leave an anonymous comment. What do you collect secretly? Soft toys in jars maybe?

Whatever your weird habits or secrets may be, 

Mysophilia: Arousal from smelling or chewing on dirty underwear and menstrual pads.

Emetophilia: Fetish for throwing up and being thrown up on.

Kokigami: Wrapping your male genitals in a paper costume like origami fish, birds, dragons etc.

Homilophilia: Arousal when listening to or giving public speeches

somewhere in this world, someone will love and accept you the way you are.

Weekend Eats

Ho Chi Minh wasn't my favourite destination initially, but the more i frequent it the more i find it endearing. Ho Chi Minh is the perfect destination for the weekend getaway because

1) Sale fare can go as low as $120 (incl.tax)
2) It is not as popular as Bangkok
3) It is only 1.5 hours flight time and 1 hour behind SG time
4) Late Friday evening out, not too late Sunday night in

Weekend getaways are meant for lounging around,

 zipping around town,

I look like a boy, or a tortoise.

 and stuffing that tummy.

 

Vietnamese women are infamous for their shapely figure.Cue woman in stripes.

Catch the sights of a somewhat kumpung lifestyle that Singapore doesn't quite have anymore.

Very cruel on the fishes though.

Cue in on the local motorbike culture where children as young as 6 months and families as many as four are riding on one.

Dig out the hidden gems of French cafes where you can spot Orlando Bloom look-alike.

Awesome food found at this quiet cafe away from Saigon's hustle bustle and a whole lot of vehicle horns.

Even though i've visited Saigon umpteenth times, i am still the scared-ey cat Singaporean tourist who didn't dare try the local street food. This time, i was a little braver.

Banh Mie is a famous local sandwich street store. It's like 7-11, in every corner. Except that you never will see a 7-11 or a Macdonalds in Saigon. So you settle for Banh Mie.

This Banh Mie store is right next to another Banh Mie store that is apparently alot more popular! Look at the people crowding around.

Being a Singaporean, we are trained to follow the queue so that's what we did. We snubbed our noses at the one next to it, it didn't have a queue. The popular one, however, didn't have any newspaper article or certificate plastered on its display panels.

So they stuff some meats and salad with some sauce in a toasty crispy baguette.

I actually do not know what kind of meats they stuff in there, it looks pretty slime-y and dubious. I really wasn't quite sure if i should proceed.

Warm in my hands, i took a bite and it was juicy! Only SGD 1, it's comparable to Subway! I tried not to think too much what dubious meat it could be.

Not getting a stomach ache, i got a little braver.

I did what the locals do and sat by the roadside and ate.

A variety of seafood, we pointed out our selection. The marinated octopus was exceptionally good, the suckers actually burst in our mouth as we bit into it.

I chose these seashells because they looked so big and pretty. In order to keep the shells, we first have to dig out and devour the meat (taste just like any other shell fish, chewy). Alas, the shells were too oily and i was lazy.

When i first saw the locals eating by the roadside (mind you, they will sit side by side facing the road with all that traffic and pollution), i thought it was absurd!

Cola beer is a good combination.

Following our nose, we stopped by a restaurant to check out their menu.

We liked what we saw. A duck in a sexy pose!

 

Tortoise wasn't too wild, we have turtle soup in Singapore. What caught my eye was STIR FRY BOWEL. They say not to shit where you eat, maybe in Vietnam it's different.

What took the cake was the monitor lizard grilled with salt and egg. My bravery for the weekend reached its cap. I'll save this for another weekend.

When all else fails, remember....Eat rice and be Friends Forever.

Just not that Into You

Upon the suggestion of my girlfriend, I went to Borders and Kino for Why Men Marry Bitches.


They were sold out across our tiny red dot.

It’s not a surprise, since many Singaporean women hanker after marriage.

Do we really need to be bitches in order to snag a man?

I beg to differ.

Instead, I think if a man does not want to marry you, he simply isn’t that much into you! I have heard too many stories of girlfriends in dead end relationships (still waiting 7 years & counting). That said, we do need to acknowledge that men and women view marriage very differently. Women see marriage as a value-add (as the saying goes “a successful man always has his woman behind him), men see marriage as a next step AFTER they are comfortable with their career and ability to provide (countless quotes taking a jab at marriage, calling it suffering etc.)

Saw the premiere of RIO last night and a quote from Blu left an impression. His fellow species saw flight as freedom, but he thought that freedom is a lonely walk to embark.

At 13, I thought I’ll be married at 25, a MILF at 27 and living happily ever after in my 37th floor castle HDB. Life may not go the way I planned it to be, yet I am happy just the way it is. Better to be single than to marry the wrong man. Just don’t become the creepy cat lady on the 9th floor. Ironically, spinsters like to keep cats yet cats have all the characteristics of what they hate in a man! Independent, doesn’t come when you call, stays out late and sleeps all the time at home.

I am a woman, hear me roar. I have a voice, and I have no qualms in letting my feelings be known. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I am not a bitch. However, more often than not when you like someone first, that person may not reciprocate the same way. He may eventually fall in love with you, but if he doesn’t? Have the guts to acknowledge it, keep your pride and not force it.

People tend to covet after things unattainable. Even if feelings are unreturned, girls tend to keep loving till we get really hurt. There is the rare male breed where they don’t mislead, but most would enjoy the attention and affection with no commitment. Here’s my list to recognize when he’s just not that into you, in the early stages of courtship. It’s not meant to be a long one; I am not some bitter old hag. Instead, it’s just 4 VERY BASIC dating rules that when we are in love, we tend to shrug off or make excuses for the rule breakers.

1) He doesn’t call until you call him

2) He doesn’t ask you out until you ask him

3) He makes no effort to plan date activity/ asking you out last minute

4) He arrives 45 minutes late for a date (when you know he could have avoided that)

5) He checks his phone frequently when he’s out with you

Give your heart to someone deserving of trust and wants to care for your heart. Don’t go chasing waterfalls, they are beautiful yet deadly.

If you have been jilted, spurned or hurt, don’t give up hope on finding love either. However girls, if you are just not into him. You need to say so too.

P.S The book’s title was a figure of speech, I later found out. The primary teaching is about female empowerment, about having our own voice and not be a push-over.