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Monday, February 13, 2012

Blog TV: Cheating.

Sometime this week, i was contacted by the producer of CNA to share my two cents worth on Blog TV to be telecast on Ch 5 and then continued on web cast.

It's pretty confusing because i never knew when i'm "on". There are commercial breaks on TV right? Then i realised we are ALWAYS on. Because even though it may be a commercial break on TV, we are still seen live on the web.

What you'll see below are from the web cast, so you'll see and hear everything that wasn't on TV.

I've never wrote personal thoughts or feelings with regards to relationships on my blog. I know many girls do, but it's not my style to air dirty linen. I believe a couple's arguments take place in the privacy of the home and never in public, i believe very much in saving a man's pride and ego, EVEN if i am victimized and he deserves the humiliation. Worse was, i felt that if i talked about my experiences, that makes me a bad girlfriend and a failed one too.

Living for someone else doesn't make you happy.

So i agreed to go on TV, mostly to admit that women these days cheat as much as men and to also share my own story of being cheated on.

Here, however, i am more interested in sharing my story of being cheated on. Writing is therapeutic, writing heals you. In 2010, i wanted to share my story but i held back and ended up with a post like this. I knew the pain was stirring within but i bit my tongue, i still stubbornly feel i shouldn't share something so private.

Then a reader wrote on my tagboard that her boyfriend just cheated and prompted me to share. So i did with a post more revealing.

The internet is like a self-help or addiction group. People going through the same troubles and hurt can help one another, with the safety of anonymity.

The revealing of a cheater is often memorable. It's as if the world balances itself out, nature purges out the poison. I often find cheating partners out with 6th sense and i don't even need to snoop.

Today, i've moved on mostly. But there is one memory that i keep getting reminded of because of my mum.

I was home alone and boiling some eggs. While waiting for the eggs to boil, i started surfing the Internet and coincidentally enough i found suspicious photos of him and a girl! That all too familiar feeling of finding how you've been betrayed crept in. My heart stopped, my hands grow cold and then the heart starts thumping, afraid what else you would find.

Before jumping to conclusions, i told myself to hold my horses. I have always been a very rational and reasonable person. I told myself maybe this was when we broke up, but no, there was a date stamp and it was while we were a couple.

To err once is a mistake, to err twice is a choice.

Because of all that distracting investigation going on, i forgot about the eggs and my house was soon clouded with smoke. The eggs didn't fly up to the ceiling, but i burnt the pot BADLY.

The revelation shouldn't matter anymore because we were no longer together, but still the revelation stung.

And i constantly get reminded of this memory because my mum 8 months later still brings up the fact that i burnt her expensive pot. She didn't know her pot got burnt because i was reeling in shock and hurt. She didn't know her daughter had to go through traumatizing revelations not once, but thrice. I believe if she had known, her expensive pot would be secondary.

But i wouldn't tell. I would keep these secrets to myself and let it eat me inside. I will never tell my parents because i want them to think the best of my boyfriends, still. Even the one whom i found a sex video of. I didn't want them to know about my poor choices in men. But i wish she would stop reminding me of the pot.

I am crying right this moment, and I'm surprised. I thought I'm over it, but i guess I'm not.

Don't judge me because of my comments on BlogTV (Some may be silly. Like the one about women cheating more now because of expats, i know it makes no sense!). 1 hour really isn't enough to discuss a topic like this! Nonetheless, here're the videos if you're interested to comment.

Why are Women Cheating?

Is Cheating more Acceptable now?

The AfterMath

Story Telling

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