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Friday, July 20, 2012

The Games Girls Play

Women tend to lead men on. Sometimes consciously, most times not. Mostly confused, often influenced by cultural factors to marry or innate desires to procreate.

Women naturally like the courtship and the attention and it's fair, considering how much sacrifice she has to make later in life, going through childbirth etc.

When a man sets sights on a woman, is he a fool for courting to no end? How does a man know when to stop the pursuit, or should he even try?

A girl may go out with you once, twice or even thrice. That doesn't mean she have the same level of interest! A man should know a girl is not interested with the below signs.

1) It's always you asking her out but she has never initiated once.
2) She doesn't say "thank you".
3) She doesn't offer to pay.

Here's the brutal truth of our mentality: If i ain't interested in you, why should i spend money when i can get it free from many other suitors? It can boil down to poor upbringing and bad manners in the self obsessed society but it also makes some sense in practicality.

It's an interesting dynamic between men and women. I've asked around and a man cannot be with a woman if he isn't attracted to her in the beginning. Thus, men don't usually lead women on if they are not interested. There's no "maybe", it's a clear "yes" or "no".

However, its the opposite for a woman. Women from stone age have always seek for the strongest and the the fittest to form a family with. Later, it evolved to women to seek for the most handsome and the richest because it translates to better genes and the ability to provide basic needs and then material desires as a bonus. Interest or chemistry is secondary, feelings can be cultivated over time.

Have women evolved? Probably not, yet. A handful of girls around me are examples. All having dated too many boyfriends, they finally settled and married a man they weren't attracted to but soon grew to love. It wasn't that they're anxious to get married or that growing old (after all, men age like fine wine, women age like toufu) but they've conceded defeat knowing that love can't put bread on the table, knowing blessedness comes from being loved first.

I'm beginning to think like them, but for the last 18 months of going out with old friends and new, i still found chemistry very important. Only because i find it repulsive to go near to someone i am not attracted to.

It reminded me of my school days where me and my best friend would doodle away on A&W tray paper after school. We would then pass each other our drawing and give critiques.

One afternoon, we decided to visualize our "dream".

This is her picture.

The text with arrows are my silly comments, "critiquing" her dream. Not surprising, her dream is to marry 4 years later have a baby, own a car combined with A DOG AND MONEY.

Mine was simpler, an idealistic dreamer i am. I dream of a sunset (sunsets are always romantic right?), and a declaration made with candles which my girlfriend mocked. Ok, fine i drew a MERCEDES too (female innate materialism, haha).


So, should a man give up courting if the girl is not interested? There's no correct answer. Often, it's being at the right place at the right time. She may be moved at the right time, or she may decide to give it a shot because there isn't anyone else right. Should a man be egoistical and say, "i'm not going to play second fiddle"? Probably he should be open minded and generous, accepting that this is our natural instincts.

However with evolution, women are becoming independent, pursuing their own careers, being able to hold their own fort. With that, hopefully, they will stop leading men on. Feeling assured with their own achievements and building self confidence as they mature, they'll come to realise that if they don't meet the right guy, they don't need to settle. A dog, a dildo, a bolster and many shopping trips can satisfy her like a real man can.  

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

But it'll be difficult if not impossible to replace the silent presence of the man in your life when you most need it. Vice versa if you ask me.

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