No Photoshop, just Instagram

@chrispytine on Twitter and Instagram

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Why are People Judgmental?

When I was a teenager, i got embroiled in a "love triangle". I didn't like my suitor but had a crush on his best friend instead. Being "brothers",they started calling me "Barbie". Fake like plastic.
Technically, Barbie is made of rubber. Also,even if it was my free will to like whoever i want, they still judged.

Then i became a woman and made friends with Caucasians. I wasn't afraid befriending them and they could understand my English because i didn't speak Singlish. So i was seen hanging out with them, and people called me an SPG. It didn't matter that my first boyfriend was Chinese, it didn't matter that 80% of my friends are still Singaporeans and i am proudly Chinese. They still judged.

Often described as a Westerner trapped in an Asian body, my choice of topics at dinner tables often make strangers uncomfortable.

Much has been written about how sexy and sensual Scorpio’s are. Not only are Scorpios passionate, we are also highly inquisitive. I like asking men questions like "At gunpoint, will you A) give your captor a blow job AND swallow or B) take it up in your behind.

It didn't matter that it was one of life's legitimate difficult questions, it also didn't matter that with a strong extreme Scorpio character, i can be celibate. They still judged.

Baby, i'm born this way.

Wy do people judge?

Because they do not believe that others can lead happier/meaningful lives than them.
Because it is a reflex to judge what you don't understand.
Case in point: the witch hunts and trials in medival times.
Because jealousy motivates judgement and judgement masks insecurities.

It is a human's nature to be competitive,wary and being cautious is perfectly healthy and normal but to allow that to override our curiousity to learn more about others can cause lost opportunities to experience and relationships.

I've always felt that Christains are the most judgmental people because they are self righteous. It's ironic when the teachings of the Bible and Christ is not to judge. There is no gauge to what is righteous but a true Christain try their best to live by what the Bible deems right. Unfortunately, hypocrisy is an inherent character trait and at one point or another, we all have judged. Heck, even I am judging the judgmental people right now.

Dealing with judgment all my life, including from family, wasn't easy but i pulled through. I believe my parents' judgment were never intentional and definitely not malicious. They were merely telling me what they think of everything i do based on their experiences, hoping i won't commit the same mistakes. Still, it would have caused much damage if i wasn't a confident person.

1) Work on your self-esteem. It doesn't happen overnight, especially when much of your childhood you were put down by seniors and peers. Work out a mantra and tell yourself that you are worthy. I was at a office workshop recently and when the trainer asked us to tell the class what we think our strengths were, 80% of the class said they didn't know. They were usually females. Write down your capabilities and abilities and tell yourself everyday. Your strength could just be being humble.

2) Stay calm and develop a sense of humour. Some haters leave malicious comments on my tag board and even recently i received annoymous SMSes calling me nasty names. Although i strongly believe it was a prank call dialled wrongly, i took a step back and replied politely instead of hurling back verbal abuse. I found the whole SMS chain highly entertaining and amusing. When i stopped reacting, the caller was obviously more affected than i am because she/he won't stop sending repeated smses.

3) Choose your battles carefully. If someone's criticism is worth acknowledging, then do so. It may keep you from losing your job, for example.

4) Distance yourself from destructive behaviour especially when the ones closest to you are being judgemental.

5) Nurture yourself by learning new skills, picking up hobbies or a sport. Hurtful opinions of judgmental people will not get you if you feel good, look good and stay positive.

We are all on Earth looking and yearning for something. Everyone is insecure about something, even the most confident person. Don't seek refuge by picking on other's flaws but look inside. If one truely desires acceptance and understanding, we need to learn to give it first. Don't let our freedom of expression be used to create hurt in the lives of others.

Judgment is part of #firstworldpains. To live truly is to open yourself up to being hurt, but persevering anyway.

I am off to Austria! Schwarzenegger, Hitler, Mozart and adult toy hypermarts (here we go again....)!


Anonymous said...

You're celibate? Really?!!

Xtine said...

that's another judgment right there! but yay, you actually bothered to read every word.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...