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Friday, January 28, 2011

Snakes and Ladders.

It's ironic how something so simple can be made into something so complicated. The process of courtship is important and women will always be interpreting "signs" of how much a man is into her.

After all, it is indeed true that when a man isn't all that into you, his actions tell.

Here is my interpretation of the dating game, numbered for better illustration.

1) This is a sincere beginning and it shows that he thought of you on purpose, asking you out well in advance. He also has good social manners.

Although i am all for spontaneity occasionally, i do plan my week in advance. I have encountered men who ask me out vaguely without giving a specific date. They say "maybe we do something on Friday" or "let's see closer to Saturday". I usually do not take them into consideration. Then they complain that i am uptight and rigid. They even say i treat them like a business appointment! I am not running a welfare clinic here, where you walk in as and when you want, dude.

2) When he asks on that day, he is probably feeling lonely or bored and he thought of you. Weeeell, we needn't be too uptight about it and if we have nothing to do too, GO FOR IT.

Just bear in mind that this is then probably just CASUAL.

The Date
3) If he takes you to the food court on the first date, he is a miser, unwilling to "invest" until he knows what's to happen is guaranteed.

A man who likes and wants you enough will instinctively take a woman to a nice place on a first date. This is to a) create a good first impression, b) to say that he is able to provide. Then again as we all grow up, hopeless romantics (who place alot of emphasis on a first date) are fading.
4) If he asks you to a club or KTV, he wants a playmate. In a noisy place like this, there is hardly any opportunity to have conversations, which is very important to the start of any relationship. However, it need not necessary be always a movie and dinner combination. Have the best of both worlds, do something fun yet with opportunities for communication.

You can go ice-skating (better if either one of you can't skate as well, there's an excuse to hold her/his hand), theme parks, or a social event. Social events is a great way to see how your date interact with other people.

5) This is the play safe date routine. 99% men will ask me out on a movie + dinner date. The 1% who suggests something different usually piques my interest more. It makes me think, "hey, you're different." or "hey, you really did put in much thought for this."

Then again, a simple movie and dinner date can also be enjoyable. Just that we are probably going to be in the crowds at Orchard Road, doing the exact same thing with 999,999 other couples.

Some men use the excuse of being in a dark theatre, to be in close proximity to touch you. Couple of times, i entered the cinema to find myself in a couple seat (no arm rest in between)! That was a rude shock.

I have never experienced the electrifying "our hands touch inside the popcorn bucket" (like the movies) though!

6) Asians don't usually invite each other to their homes on a first date. Increasingly, uninhibited people practice this and it does usually end up being something physical.

As my Asian male friend says, when he texts a woman "I've got a bottle of wine at home. Do you want to come over to watch a movie?" It's a booty call. This is the cheapest date possible with a likely possibility that you get some at the end of the date.

I am not sure if it means the same with Westerners, but it could be different because once an Italian invited me to his house for dinner, i told him I don't pay house visits. He later on apologized saying in his culture, it shows sincerity in cooking dinner for a date. Well, i wouldn't know if it's true or if it was a clever cover-up.

Saying Good Bye

7) If he says good bye to you on the road, this is definitely the friend route. He does not want to spend another half an hour more with you, he is too lazy to go back and forth. There can be some saving grace, if he SMS or calls you after to check if you're safely home. At least he has some manners and he does somewhat care about your safety.

8) Usually, if your date drives, he sends you home. If he doesn't, and he offers to take you back in a cab, that's a very generous and gentlemanly gesture. He is into you for sure, if he actually asks to travel with you via public transport back home. He wants to spend an extra hour with you. If i am just as interested, i will agree. If i am not, i will decline because sending me home via public transport seem too close for comfort.

Ok, i lost interest writing about this already. The more i look at those arrows, the more my eyes swim. Why is dating so difficult to decipher.

Pictures photographed by Dominich Khoo,


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