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Friday, November 16, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me.

Exactly 16 days before my birthday, i met Elyse (www.purposelyinlove.com). Having gone through a turbulent childhood and many failed relationships, Elyse is now healed whole and enjoying a happy marriage for the last 10 years. All because she has self-love.

Self-love, it's something i if not everyone, struggle with.

I was defensive when Elyse asked if i was happy, confident and positive. I think, or rather, thought i am!

Not being personal friends, Elyse was tough in grilling me about my life and harsh in her words. She gave me a much needed reality check.

Why have my relationships failed? I looked down and mumbled "just didn't happen loh." She asked if i knew what i want. I retorted, "of course!"

"What do you want?" I rattled off some qualities, got frustrated with her interrogation and said," Aiya! I don't make a list. I've never made a list because making a list means Mr. Perfect and that don't exists!" Besides...when chemistry hits, we're often blinded?

Oh-o...wrong answer. Elyse frowned and her lips pursed in an almost angry pout.

"Why do you not make a list? Why do you short change yourself and tell yourself you won't find a perfect man?" She tapped her fingers on the table repeatedly.

I recoiled in my seat, i felt small and i felt tears welling up. She was right.

There are certain things i need to change in my life, and what better time to do when i turn 17, in dog years.

I remember me and my bestie doodled on a A&W tray paper what we envision our love life to be. She drew a condo, a man, a baby and a Mercedes. I drew a beach, a man & a heart shaped with candles.

Today, she has a condo, a man, a baby and a Ford.

Making a list is not about the 5Cs(unless that's what you want). Making a list is a commitment to yourself to look out and recognize the qualities you want in a partner.

In fact, i resisted making that list until 2 weeks after because it was a challenge on my belief system.

But i have, and that list shall remain private.

3 comments:

Katrijn said...

Janis Joplin once said: "Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got." Her life might not be very inspirational, but that quote to me sure is!

In other news: You've been nominated for a Liebster Award over on Singapore Tamtam! I hope you'll have the time to take a look :)

Xtine said...

awww, thank you!!

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