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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Turning Girl to Woman

As a girl, your needs in a partner is different as a woman. Usually, its often the good looks first. The Top 5 sought after boys in school were all good looking.

As a woman, while i still have a weakness for lookers, i have also developed a new sense of smelling through bullshit.

It's a bonus to be blessed with deep set eyes,high bridges and chiseled jaw. But if you don't? Plastic surgery ain't the answer.

What makes men stand out for me?

1) SINCERITY
is a trait that exposes a man right through. If he has sincerity, he's reliable. If he is lacking sincerity, he isn't even worth befriending.

I met NV for the first time when he was visiting Singapore. And that was the only time i saw him during his stay. When he knew i was visiting his country in the following months, he recommended hotels i could stay in. He also asked for my arrival dates and said he could show me around.

Now, men usually say alot of things but never mean any.

So i was quite impressed that he emailed me after his return, forwarding me links of the hotels he mentioned. Counting down to my trip, he emailed me to ask what i'd like to do. This was 2 months to my arrival. I said i'd like to watch football and dine in a certain popular restaurant. Within a day, he's got a reservation at the restaurant . Within a week, he said he's secured tickets to football. All this was done without me needing to ask for "help" a second time.

Compared to men who often gripe they don't see me enough but actually never do ask me out.

2) GENEROUSITY
Its a never-ending debate if a couple should go dutch on a date. It certainly is unfair that women expect men to pay all the time but let's face it,our prehistoric ancestors are not self-serving feminists. They look for the best cave man who could bring home the bacon while they stay home to care for the young,potter in the garden or gather berries.

In modern times, while a man pays for the date,we pay for our own keep, literally. That means hair,nails,face and Egyptian threads. Although it really is the last man standing who gets to enjoy these.

When a man freely gives without motives,i freely receive but give back by paying for birthday dinners,movies or after-meal drinks & desserts. While I may be able to feed myself, I do enjoy being cared and provided for. That very primal chivalry is a turn-on.

I do have church mates that even though they are attached, they still buy the odd coffee or chicken rice for female friends. However, as soon as i can sense a stingy man,i'll never give a dime in return. Like the one whom i just met, not only came late when he asked me out but when the bill arrived,he asked if i had a UOB because there was a discount. When i said "no", he then took out his own UOB card.

I guess i'm harsher on men because men in my books are not meant to be calculative like women. Unfortunately, increasingly many are. They all need return-on-investment. Chivalry is dead until i met RG.

He knew I was going to pay for his birthday dinner so he outran me in footing the bill before I could even ask for it. That left an impression. Sure,men have paid for dates, but none have paid for dates and still fight to pay when it ought to be MY TURN FOR ONCE!

3) PATIENCE
Most men are accustomed to waiting for women. But there's two whom I've gone out with who have no patience for me, neither do they have patience for service staff. Before, I would think its a flaw acceptable but now I think it's a huge determining factor.

Also, what's with the men who can't wait to get it on?!? Holding my hand, waist and brushing my cheek on the first few dates? I've always liked decisive men but I don't appreciate the demonstration of decisiveness this way.

Demonstrate by ordering food (if its Chinese) or my favourite drink before I arrive.

Do not mistake a man's patience for a wuss. All those men tagging along on shopping trips? Despite them looking like a wuss carrying handbags and shopping bags, it is a partner to keep. All because of that virtue of patience.

While we may rant and lament about the characteristics we like and dislike, we ought to do a self reflection too. Are we the epitome of a desirable woman?

Are women as SINCERE to men as he is to her? Do we lead men on because we like the attention but have no intention? Do we only go out with someone just because there's nothing else on a Friday?

Do we APPRECIATE the generosity shown? Often, we forget the thank-you(s) after given a ride home, a meal treat or even just a drink because we are so used to being pampered. Do we take them for granted? When a woman start expecting niceties, that's when it's a huge turn-off.

Finally, do we ABUSE a man's patience? We ought to speed up on dressing up, we should try harder at being punctual and we need to release those poor men from being unwilling but silent shopping buddies.

Only then, we turn girl to a woman. One who appreciates a man and be loved in return.
Oh, irrelevant photo.

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