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Friday, April 22, 2011

Menopausal Gadgets

When i was a student, my laptop was my lifeline. And it has made my heart stopped beating for a brief second, too many times. The times when it hangs, the times when its processor starts spinning really loud, the times when THE DREADED blue screen appears.

When that happens, you know what i'll do? I sweet talk it.

Yes, i coo to it like a baby, i cajole it to work again. Then as a safety net, i prayed very hard too. Just in case technology doesn't hear me, God will.

I should have gone for a Mac.


Apple create its ads by creating personalities and characters. It HUMANISED technology. If plants grow better when humans talk to it, why not technology performing better when you sweet talk it?

It's common that when a computer crashes, people commit some kind of computer violence. Whether is it they hurl abuse, they bang the keyboard or jam the off/on button repeatedly, people panic when they feel helpless over lost data.

However, this probably do more harm than good and it might cost even more if you threw the laptop out the window or down to the floor.

I may be a tom boy but i am gentle as a lamb. My heart aches whenever someone turns off the computer without shutting down properly. I could feel the computer's pain. Knowing how to deal with computer crashes is a good way to practice anger management too. Take it as a good time to peel away from that screen. And about retyping all that info? Well, it trains your perseverance. 

Do technology have feelings? We do kinda have an intimate relationship with technology because it affects a person's moods, emotions and feelings.
Prosthetic hands, a robohand for amputees have always been a functional replacement without feeling. Now, the European doctors, scientists and engineers have devised one that can be wired to nerves in the patient's body, transmitting signals to the wearer's brain that mimic the sensations sent by a biological hand. Soon, you'll find robo fingering. Trust me, there can be ANYTHING imaginable in porn.

Then, there is the Funktionide, a pillow-like robot that has special sensors that reacts to human touch to show when it is happy or in love.

This conceptual shape changing robot is used to relieve loneliness, using artificial muscle technology. The Japanese are already looking into creating a webcam that can project a friend's face on it.

Talk about dry humping the bolster, fantasizing about that hottie.
Cuddle up and watch a movie on Sat night.

Potential scene for science fi flick

It natural defense mechanism when it's not in the mood for dry humping.

For all the times i sweet talked my computer, i didn't think i was crazy. It wasn't too far back when we talked to our toys isn't it? I swear i came across a theory paper online that talking to technology/ gadgets IS a proven way to get it working again. However, i am unable to retrieve that paper, no matter how hard i Google. I don't think i dreamt that up or i deluded myself. Crazy people however tend to tell themselves they're not crazy, like drunkards.

But i guess i'm not the only one out there to believes so because there's another 14,083 idiots like me.

I went as far as to tell my laptop "In a moment's time, i will look away so you don't have to be shy in wanting to work again. Just in case you're too egoistic to give in to me."

Then i squeeze my eyes shut and squeeze it tight while chanting "let it work, let it work, please please please...."

Then i gingerly pry my eyes open. So i can resonate with these guys......



3 comments:

Ruiting said...

I sweet talk to my laptop when it gave me the color wheel of death (sign of com hang for mac) too! And I thought I was the only one who will do that. =.=

Xtine said...

hahahaa! I NEVER KNEW MACS ARE CAPABLE OF CRASHING!!! I thought that's what they are selling to us consumers? That they are superior?!?

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