Laugh Monday Blues Away

To all the cam whores and narcissists, make sure you have a strong heart:

Riverside Feast

Clarke Quay is touted to be a tourist spot, however I as a local love hanging out at Clarke Quay. With its recent headline news for over-charging some tourists (a $800 bill for 4 dishes that included a $500 crab or similar!), tourists should have stuck to the safer side over at Riverside Walk. A row of well-known restaurants with quality and quantity of mouth watering eats resides.

Sitting by the river, Singapore's famous chilli crab is not to be missed. 

The top seafood restaurants in Singapore (in no order) are No Signboard, Jumbo and Long Beach. Chilli crab can all be found in any seafood restaurant, and even hawkers but Jumbo's chilli crab ($40/kg) is authentic. With 13 spices, it is tangy and a littler spicier than the rest. After all, it is meant to be chilli and not tomato crab.

Jumbo's other signature dish amongst many, is the Salted Egg Golden Prawn. A Cantonese dish, it is sinfully indulging! Coated with salted egg, the prawns remain succulent, springy and fresh. Fried with a batter, it was a pleasant surprise that my lips didn't feel oily after. 

I would gladly do a marathon for 8 golden prawns ($20). I don't even have to peel them!

Eating chilli crabs will never be a glamourous thing to do. My dad would give up eating crabs because he don't want to go through the trouble. Me? I'd lick my fingers and yours too! Ok, maybe not yours.

A tad spicy gravy with a Maggie tomato base and egg, the fried buns is a necessary complement to go along!

Jumbo
Riverside Walk
#01-01

 Colourful Jamaican chairs draws attention to Cafe Iguana just next door. It is often a first stop for me and friends before we paint the town red across the bridge!

Or we simply play musical chairs with the colourful stools as we catch-up with one another over jugs of Margaritas ($65/jug). I do not favour alcohol, however if i were to have one, one of my favourite places is definitely here!

I haven't been to Mexico, but i would envision it to be like this interior! Fans over the sweltering Mexican heat, bright colours and Caucasians chilling.

Complimentary chips with homemade salsa for every table. Perfect for afternoons when it's just you, a book and Soursop margarita.

Cafe Iguana

Riverside Walk 

#01-03

I can't be a food blogger. I am so greedy that i often take a bite too soon and then realise "oh shit, i haven't photograph it." Why do people document their food anyway? What do they do with 17,000 pictures of food? Do they reminisce the taste, like normal people reminisce pictures of REAL PEOPLE? Maybe food bloggers also smack their lips as they see photographs of people.

A secret i was taught is to down a shot of Jagermeister whenever you are too full from food or feeling bloated. This medicinal herb liqueur helps with digestion, albeit it makes your tummy burn a little.

One of the best Fish & Chips i've eaten in Singapore, the fish within the batter is soft and juicy. The portion you see above was merely a sampler.

Harry's Bar
Riverside Walk
#01-04

 Honestly, Riverside Walk has one good place lined up after another!

I am definitely not a beer drinker (it gives you a gut!), but whenever i am at Brewerkz, i simply can't give their home brews a miss!

Unlike any other beer, it suits a lady's palette. Definitely a thirst quencher!

What caught my eye was their Scholar Red Beer, a red sticky rice beer based on an ancient tradition from China! They are launching it next week and according to tradition, scholars drank the alcoholic beverage before the Imperial exams and into the nights to inspire the intellect! Students above 18, please tell me if it works!

Buffalo wings and beer go like peanut and butter. We went straight to Suicide and skipped the mild and hot that are for wussies.

Still am alive.

If only these ready-to-cook sauces were made before i went to study overseas! Jumbo's chilli crabs would have been with us at birthday celebrations, exam celebrations and many more gatherings in our student lives and home sick nights!

Retailing soon and launching at next month's Food Festival, it is perfect as gifts to overseas Singaporeans as well as foreigners to take back home and introduce our fine country!

And if you're trying to impress that mother-in-law or lover? Fake it by whipping up chilli crab/lobster/crayfish/prawns at home. Just make sure you throw the box down the chute and not something that will be discovered if someone visits the rubbish bin!

Foreign readers, if you would like to try the infamous chilli and pepper crabs at home, drop me a mail at chrispytine@gmail.com, i'd air freight it to you! Local readers, you can too! Just remember to invite me when you fake it. I promise i'll try not to make a mess out of your dining table :)

My Month in Review

Retaining the roots of a blog, which is a diary, here're snapshots of my recent months:

Narcissistic photo for no apparant reason. Dress from Haji Lane, $69.

Ate the most obscene looking thing but oh-so-expensive white asparagus at
French restaurant, Gunthers @ Purvis St. $39

Men's Fashion Week. Wrote my Gambatte message for Japan. Although honestly, what's the point of writing such messages? They're not sending this wall to Japan. Dress from Tiong Bahru mall: $120.

Found my favourite choice of alcohol atop Fullerton Hotel, The Lantern.
A mixture of alcohol, watermelon and cucumber. $30, can't afford to get drunk on it.

Attended the Star Awards at RWS.
It was VERY boring and i pity the fans who scream their lungs out but had to sit all the way behind and squint.
Dress from Pull & Bear: $80

Watched the Lion King @ MBS. Everyone says its good, but i fell asleep twice.
They sing very well. Get the level 1 seats (instead of upper deck), the theatre is small
so the cheapest tickets will do as well.

One suitor sent balloons to my office.



After 2 still births, my rabbit formed a nest of fur.
If i accumulated the hair i drop daily, i will also have a nest.

Shocked to find the baby rabbit black when both parents are white.
We suspect the black rabbit on the 8th floor.

Met the youngest bloggers who are more in tuned with female fashion than me.
 I enjoyed educating them on adult life.

Shot some more slimming print ads but the client commented that i put on weight.

Won the HTC desire by holding my breath.

Re-connecting with girlfriends. Done with men.

Mum learns to use the digital camera and snaps me randomly.

Went to the FTV party where models stick out like a sore thumb with a bird's eye view in the crowd.

What a Steal!

It was my virgin hand in setting up shop at a flea market. Shopaholics like us ended up spending what we earned at the stall next door. The next time, we should put on eye patches like horses. So we don't get side tracked and only look forward (focus on making sales, not purchase).

Many people came attracted to this woven bag but too cheapskate to purchase it at $20!

Most customers were either young school girls who now can dress fashionable at 1% of the original price, or maids who can dress sexy when they go out on Sunday dates or Grandmas who can dress young again.

There was an old man who came and scrutinised our sunnies. Still in good condition, branded Mango and only at $2, he bought one after 15 minutes of inspection. We even gave him a sunglass cover. While transacting, i made small talk. I asked who he was buying for, and he replied, "my maid."

I felt a sudden rush of warmth in my heart and said, "Aww..that's so sweet." Thinking how Singaporeans treat maids worse than animals sometimes. The old man gave a sheepish smile. It then occurred to me "Could it be to thank her for her special service?" She wouldn't even know it was just $2  >_<

 My innovative dad took the liberty to dress the naked tree with my sale.

 A Philipino man came and bought many bags and heels. He expressed that he is going to give it away as presents. It then dawned upon me that we are so fortunate to be able to buy and wear new clothes. Clothes that we can afford to wear once and never again.

To survive your first flea stall:
1) wear a tube dress, not too short as there may be alot of bending down and over
2) leave the valuables at home and carrying a sling pouch for the necessities
3) water, water, water
4) fan and umbrella
5) pair up with a friend, it helps pass time so much faster

I did not manage to sell all, so check them out on my Buy Em New and Dress Like Me page.

Nature needs Heroes.

If this is what Earth will look like in 40 years time, the future looks bleak. Grey and gloomy, we may be able to teleport from one end to the other, but I’ll be climbing a landfill instead of a glacier.

I will be spiraling into incinerators instead of green mountains, grazing my hair over concrete slabs instead of fresh water lakes. I am glad I will be 65 then, my arthritis, hanging boobs and missing teeth will put my adventure streak on a back seat. I will just be a vigilante living underground, hoping I won’t run out of water or natural food before the zombies gets me.

There is a superiority of man over all other animate life, life forms and inanimate objects in nature. Our authority over animals, plants and the rest of the Earth has changed history through the use and consumption of animals, plants as well as the physical environment for irrigation, energy and building. Humans have a conscience and we communicate differently from animals. Although certain animals can be more monogamous than humans, animals cannot care for the environment like we do. Their shit can fertilize plants, but as humans, we don’t want to go there. However, when we do run out of food, we can look to Shit burgers, full of protein and tastes like beef. “Go Eat Shit.” Will no longer be vulgar but a treat or health advice even!

Mankind is the only creature fit to rule the earth, and it makes sense because we are created to be morally superior to have authority over animals, plants, and the Earth. The nature needs heroes, The Earth Keeper.

This would be my superhero costume, a symbol of love fertility & vigilance.

It’s inspiring to see companies like Timberland who is not just talk, but when they realised that the production of their outdoor boots, shoes and accessories affects our environment, they relooked at the way they did business and did something about it. A bottle and a half is found in every pair, plastic that is known to be not degradable can now be made into boots and even bras (by Triumph)!

My dad loves using his work safety boots when travelling. They weigh a ton that eats into my shopping allowance baggage but he insists in having his safety boots because it protects him. Timberland has protection features but at the same time remains light but maintains its sex appeal!

The gear that refuses to walk all over the environment, Timberland started on one of its community service projects to support greening activities in China’s Horqin Desert that is situated in Inner Mongolia, through Japan based non-profit organisation —GreenNet. Overgrazing of the land and excessive deforestation by Man has led to desertification which has changed the once lush and green Horqin Pasture into Horqin Desert.

Timberland continues its tree planting activities in Horqin Desert, hoping that it will recover its lush greenness. We borrowed the Earth from our children; the future generations deserve the opportunity to see chickens and rabbits.

I’m a social influencer and if only Timberland would send me rolling in the dust and getting my hands dirty in the desert, this mouthpiece would further be amplified.

You can join me in vying for this spot, after all we are all championing for the same cause.

Be a Timberland Earthkeeper and Support Desert Greening in Horqin.

Cockroaches can live for 2 weeks without their heads, and even reproduce (but not mate) without a head. We’re not cockroaches, we need Earth to exist!

A Note to Bloggers:

Be thankful that you live in Singapore and you have Adobe that allows you to change background colours just like that. 

Virgin Tea

Many pay a premium for organic food, cotton clothes and chemical free services.

Then, there are those who pay a premium for virgin tea.

This ad was spotted on a recruitment website (unfortunately, not on Jobs DB).

The job requirements of Henan's Gushi Xijuhua Mountain Development Co. is that you need to be 

a) a virgin

b) healthy, active, no bad habits with a sunshine desposition

c) possess C cup and above

d) without any body blemishes

The job role is to pick tea leaves with their mouth, thus creating the unique selling point of this tea (that passes through virgin lips).

Damn it! No revealing tea picking uniform?!?

They get paid a daily wage of SGD $110, the usual wage of a A cup tea picker who uses her hands is USD $3.50.

A debatable publicity stunt, the company's spokesman said the recruitment is meant to revive the legend of tea picked with lips (口唇茶).

According to legend, when the tea is brewed with boiling water, nine fairies will appear from the mist and do a vanishing act one after another. If you were to drink said tea, you will feel refreshed, relaxed and it can cure all diseases (including Aids?).

As part of a cultural festival, the virgins will perform their balancing act of a tiny basket in between their heaving cleavage.

It is also said that at the beginning of the last century, some Chinese tea sellers experimented with the idea of “tea in front of breasts.” Virgins at the age of 16 were asked to start picking leaves in the middle of the night and put leaves into their clothes between their breasts. When they finished their work before sunrise, the leaves should have absorbed enough of the virgins’ body scent, and could make great tea. This practice phased out even before it ever had the chance to become widespread.


The hiring company expects girls they hire to keep tea leaves in their mouths before making tea out of them. Virginity and curviness are selling points the company exploits to convince customers that such tea is of yin (femininity) and purity.
 
Cuban cigars are rolled in between virgin thighs, South American Indian tribe's special brew is fermented with ingredients chewed by virgins. They were unfounded legends. Hooters and the C cup virgin tea pickers are real and they objectified women.

Boy, am i glad there's a role reversal with the infamous Chippendale male strippers and the "Gigglo Den".