Just not that Into You

Upon the suggestion of my girlfriend, I went to Borders and Kino for Why Men Marry Bitches.


They were sold out across our tiny red dot.

It’s not a surprise, since many Singaporean women hanker after marriage.

Do we really need to be bitches in order to snag a man?

I beg to differ.

Instead, I think if a man does not want to marry you, he simply isn’t that much into you! I have heard too many stories of girlfriends in dead end relationships (still waiting 7 years & counting). That said, we do need to acknowledge that men and women view marriage very differently. Women see marriage as a value-add (as the saying goes “a successful man always has his woman behind him), men see marriage as a next step AFTER they are comfortable with their career and ability to provide (countless quotes taking a jab at marriage, calling it suffering etc.)

Saw the premiere of RIO last night and a quote from Blu left an impression. His fellow species saw flight as freedom, but he thought that freedom is a lonely walk to embark.

At 13, I thought I’ll be married at 25, a MILF at 27 and living happily ever after in my 37th floor castle HDB. Life may not go the way I planned it to be, yet I am happy just the way it is. Better to be single than to marry the wrong man. Just don’t become the creepy cat lady on the 9th floor. Ironically, spinsters like to keep cats yet cats have all the characteristics of what they hate in a man! Independent, doesn’t come when you call, stays out late and sleeps all the time at home.

I am a woman, hear me roar. I have a voice, and I have no qualms in letting my feelings be known. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I am not a bitch. However, more often than not when you like someone first, that person may not reciprocate the same way. He may eventually fall in love with you, but if he doesn’t? Have the guts to acknowledge it, keep your pride and not force it.

People tend to covet after things unattainable. Even if feelings are unreturned, girls tend to keep loving till we get really hurt. There is the rare male breed where they don’t mislead, but most would enjoy the attention and affection with no commitment. Here’s my list to recognize when he’s just not that into you, in the early stages of courtship. It’s not meant to be a long one; I am not some bitter old hag. Instead, it’s just 4 VERY BASIC dating rules that when we are in love, we tend to shrug off or make excuses for the rule breakers.

1) He doesn’t call until you call him

2) He doesn’t ask you out until you ask him

3) He makes no effort to plan date activity/ asking you out last minute

4) He arrives 45 minutes late for a date (when you know he could have avoided that)

5) He checks his phone frequently when he’s out with you

Give your heart to someone deserving of trust and wants to care for your heart. Don’t go chasing waterfalls, they are beautiful yet deadly.

If you have been jilted, spurned or hurt, don’t give up hope on finding love either. However girls, if you are just not into him. You need to say so too.

P.S The book’s title was a figure of speech, I later found out. The primary teaching is about female empowerment, about having our own voice and not be a push-over.