I am not proclaiming to be a love guru, neither do I have many boyfriends to prove (having many boyfriends is actually NOT something to boast about). However, I do admit to keeping a little black book, or rather a coveted name list of the boys and men who courted and proposed to me once before.
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| Name list in a kungfu manual looking book. How cool right? |
I always found it amusing how boy-girl relationships develop. It all starts with those 4 words. The words HAVE TO BE SPOKEN. As teenagers, those 4 words can be asked with gusto. As adults, we think it’s cheesy and so we progress silently and naturally into a relationship. However, some adults are not sure if they are in a BGR, simply because there was NO confirmation. If one night stands can happen, an innocent kiss might not mean we are now your boyfriend right? I remember with my first boyfriend, I was 19. We chatted on and off on MSN for a year, spoke on the phone for months, met and went out and kissed on Fort Canning. I SMSed him the next day to asked what the kiss meant. I remember asking “Er, are you my boyfriend now?” He was 20, and he replied, “ Er, I guess so.” GUESS SO LEH!!! It’s like two blur sotong getting hitched.
Anyway, I kept that list not because I was narcissistic (ok, I was a little) but I was demoralised because it is always the case whereby my crush ALWAYS falls for my best friend! So I had to make a note to myself, that hey, there’re people who like me too! Just that I didn’t like them back.
I’m not sure if I have a name list of suitors to boast about, but not counting the ones who definitely showed interest (but didn’t say the 4 magic words), I have 30 odd males who bravely proposed.
With that list and 2 long term relationships, I am confident to say I have qualities that attract and keep a man.
I always have to control my urge to slap skinny girls who say they’re fat. Or skinny girls who want to indulge in French fries, but take out their tissue paper and start blotting the oil away.
Girls who have a healthy appetite shows that they are body confident, vivacious and fun (imagine licking chocolate off the body). Girls who nibble at salads on dates are a turn-off. Even rabbits eat more than you, and they probably won’t get green bits in between their teeth too. Only benefit is your poo will smell nice and come out green, like a baby’s.
2) Be Colourful
It irks me to have Yes Man, same goes for girls. I know generally, girls play the submissive docile role. That is absolutely ok, since it strokes the man’s ego anyway. However, a girl MUST HAVE her own mind, her own interests and pursue something. If you don’t have any of the above, you’re just bland, a plain Jane to men. Topics are kept interesting, if you have something to share. I have heard countless male friends telling me the reason for their break-up is because they lost interest in their girlfriends simply because they had no ambitions and no interests except revolving around their boyfriends. Soon they found someone else more interesting, not because the other girl was hotter, but because she was bursting with energy and she gave new topics to discuss about.
Read a wide range of topics, learn something new, go out with your own friends and bring back something to share.
3) Be Yourself
I speak good English most of the time but my first boyfriend was ashamed of me because I spoke Singlish when I met a fellow Singaporean in an Australian supermarket. I was hurt that he didn’t like me for who I am.
One of my dates frowned at me when my chair squeaked when I got up at a high class very silent restaurant. He was ashamed of me, the tom boy.
It was stifling; lady-like was not a descriptive for me. I applaud the girls who maintain a perfect image with make-up and everything 24/7. I have a friend who at overnight camps is the first to get up and the last to sleep. So that no one sees her with unravelled hair and a bare face (with no eyebrows). I am proud that she is just as hard-working in her career.
Be yourself, and someone will love you for who you are. Be pretentious, and everyone can tell.
I smile a lot, so much that I am afraid I will get pre-mature wrinkles. I laugh so much that when I don’t, people ALWAYS assume something bad happened. A smiling face looks more appealing and beautiful. Be light-hearted; be able to laugh at yourself. It shows you have a big and open heart.
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| I can reach it!! |
When you think positive thoughts, good things come to you. Be critical, you’ll be unhappy with almost everything. Never say “I told you so”, respect the man and he’ll come to you and tell you you’re right.
6) Be High Maintenance (on your own expense)
I took a day off from work and pampered myself from head to toe. It started with morning exercise, then a manicure then a facial and ending with a hair spa.
Phyto Hair Spa at Wheelock Place was expensive ($208) but Oh-So-Worth-It. I went for a diagnosis first, and they deduced that I get the occasional dandruff due to hormonal changes. They analyzed my scalp, and to my horror, some of my follicles only have 1 strand of hair when a healthy scalp have 3 or 4 strands growing out.
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| My hair is actually rather dry,even when it's virgin from dyes. |
Also, I was wrong to heed the advice of hair stylists to only shampoo my head every alternate day (to prevent drying). Phyto advised me to shampoo my hair daily, because I need to keep the scalp clean. Dry hair ends can be moisturized with the usual hair masks and conditioner, but getting a spoilt scalp back to its healthy state is VERY difficult.
You don't have to be an athelete or medalist, but be a sport when it comes to trying new things together. I remember it was very tiring trying to convince or persuade someone to do something together, or try something new. I believe in lovers being best friends and best friends being lovers. Some girls hate to be out in the sun, immediately that warns the man of a princess. Slap on extra sunblock, and get some Vitamin D! Of course, do not compromise yourself and be someone you're really not but do try, at least once. So he recognises your effort that you tried to share his interest.
8) Dress Different
Every girl you see on the street has the same flat straight rebonded hair. You can follow trends, but shake it up with a little bit of your own style. Not everyone has the guts to stand out like a sore thumb with neon tights in a crowd, i understand. Do discover what looks good on you and wear it with gusto. I wear my tattoo stockings on days i want to be absolutely different. On other days, i blend in. Have different moods, have different themes. That's the advantage of being a woman, we can have a different look everyday (other than the usual jeans and tee). I have a friend who is absolutely into ANY girl so long as she is in a dress. Play up your feminity, yet maintain spunk.
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| Photographed by Dominic Khoo,www.whatisthesight.com |
9) Be Sensual
Plus sized girls as well as zero size girls can be sensual. Buy nice lingerie, wear matching sets. Feel good underneath, feel good within. Read up extensively on bedroom topics, collect knowledge, preparing for marriage. The perfect woman will be one who is nifty in the kitchen, fluent in the hall and good in bed. Sensual body languages can be displayed, like twirling your hair while speaking, casting your eyes downwards then upwards while speaking, roll your tongue about (JUST A LITTLE BIT) as you euniciate. Do remember, dress sensual and not like a slut. Showing the nape or the back is always nicer than cleavage.
10) All other Else
a) Be appreciative
b) Be respectful
c) Think of others before self
d) Live with no regrets
e) Its a blessing to give than to receive
You're such an angel... Well written article. :)
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