My Profession.

I am not a model, although many people insist/ guess/ suggest I am. As for the fancy pictures, I just like collecting them. It’s like a hobby- to immortalize my youth, to track my growing up. I have only allowed 2 close friends to photograph me, because I don’t believe in being free.

I have had done some commercial jobs here & there. It was a quick easy buck; the highest was a thousand a day. But I loathe going for castings. Especially when they’re at some ulu industrial area and if you asked how to get there via public transport, they give you the snub. I refuse to take taxis, unless absolutely necessary usually (by the way, I often wonder if a woman is giving birth soon, and the husband doesn’t drive. Will any taxi take her, in case her blood stains his seats?)

I never really pursued modeling, mainly because I never really wanted it that bad. I don’t need men to worship the ground I walk, but just my boyfriend to appreciate my beauty (in and out). I ponder over how everyone on the streets can call themselves a model. It’s like the quality (looks department) of the SIA girls- going downhill. To me, unless you’re paid thousands for a job, then you’re a model. Not getting $35 per hour for Club Snap wannabes to shoot you, or $30 for a road show. But, in Singapore…that’s how the market goes. For a model (real or not), $400-$500 for a half day TVC, $700-$800 for a full day. $150 for an editorial, $300 if you’re in bikini or on the cover. It’s not that much, compared to what the European models can. The market in this industry has gone down a lot. Some guy on FB asked me if I want to participate in a Bachelor’s Party on a boat. The boys just want a visual fest, and I get $200 per hour. That is even more than the commercial market rates I just mentioned above!
However, even doing the commercial shoots IS more than what an office lady get in a day. I calculated. In my first job after graduation, I effectively earn $6.70 per hour. How pathetic! Then in my second job, I effectively earn $16.75, I gave up calculating after that (can never beat the modeling rate).
Then we talk about the “friends” you make in this industry. You can hardly make real friends because girls are girls. But vain girls are worse. Not only are they fake, they tend to make use of people and the world revolves around just them. Shyanne is the only true friend whom I’ve made out of all these “model-ly” stuff (it was some pageant.) I really thought she ought to win the crown, but luck was on my side that day. We became friends only after I sold her some of my prizes. Hahaha! Then, she opened my eyes to cheap sexy lingerie (the ones that sell for $2 at a neighbourhood but $12 at Far East) and ankle boots (ok, I regretted this purchase though). She is selfless, and always there to listen. Bonus, she’s hot too.

So, that’s my only hot friend, from this “business” really. The others are acquaintances, girls whom I wouldn’t even really match-make with my male friends because I think they’re not worthy other than having the looks. But to give some credit, some ARE pretty AND nice. But like a butterfly, they flit around so I can’t get to know them enough. I do think there’re the rare breeds, but maybe I don’t know enough because I am not in the “business” enough. Thankfully, I have no qualms being alone, or without girlfriends. I don’t need someone to accompany me to do my manicures, facials, shopping or toilets. I have more male friends than female friends, and I enjoy their company just as much. Dicks are much more fun anyway (I do have a friend named Dick). There’s nothing to fight for (therefore no back-stabbing), there’s no need to peacock (different gender), and you get special treatment! (Because you are the girl)

Another reason why I never wanted this “business” so badly was also because I wanted to stay true. I wanted to be myself. Looking at this picture, a high-end fashion photographer told me my legs are FAT (the right word is toned I think), my arms are ALSO fat (the right word is also toned I think). And I am too tanned.

I love to eat, I love sports, and I love the sun and the sea. I am far from being Size 0. I remember nearing the finals; our coach gave us individual evaluations. Luke came to me, and said “I don’t see you wanting this very badly. The other girls are anxiously losing weight, and you? You don’t look any different from when you begin.” I was appalled. I was 47kg, then? Definitely the heaviest. I cannot not eat. After having lunch, I am thinking about dinner. After dinner, I think about what’s tomorrow’s lunch.
Which reminds me, I need to go think for tomorrow!