MOM.

I reckon i look like my mum when she was younger.

That's her then.

That's her now.

2 guys i was once casually going out with commented

C said: "i see where you got your ass from"

A said: "i can imagine how you look like when you're old".

I think both meant to be compliments for my mum and to me. But it's just weird they were oogling at my mum.

The Superior Sex.

Photographed by Dominc Khoo,www.whatisthesight.com

People used to look out on the playground and say that the boys were playing soccer and the girls were doing nothing. But the girls weren’t doing nothing- they were talking. They were talking about the world to one another. And they became very expert about that in a way the boys did not- Carol Gilligan.

Among our structurally closest analogues- the primates- the male does not feed the female. Heavy with young, making her way laboriously along, she fends for herself. He may fight to protect her or to possess her, but he does not nurture her. – Margaret Mead

Women is vulnerable to sexual related issues yet, because of that she gets many privileges. Men have more sexual freedom but have to shoulder of being Da Man. If you had a choice, would you rather be a male or female in the next life?

The Equality of Sexes.

As I grow older, I outgrow my naivety of the Asian culture. I assumed that Asians are conservative and traditional. But there IS a community of Asians who are not. In recent months, my eyes have been opened to Asian girls who do one-night stands, who sleep on the first date, who can be sexually used by a non-committed man whom she likes. Annabel Chong wanted to contest the notion that only men can separate sex and feelings. She challenged societal judgment in why men are allowed to be promiscuous but women aren’t.

What IS the equality of sex in relation to money?

When a man asks a woman over, they presumably have sex. When she leaves, should the man give her money for the cab? If he presses bills in her hand, doesn't it seem like he was paying her for sex? Sex that is worth $20. But if he doesn’t, isn’t he being too egoistic to act as if the woman threw herself at his doorstep?

Figuritively speaking, when a man takes a woman out on a date, does the woman expect him to pay for the movie and the dinner? Because at the end of the night she would be giving him sex, and that, can’t possibly be free.

It’s a fine line between lovemaking and prostitution if you bring money into the equation. Asian girls are too used to the men providing and paying for everything. That has been instilled in our culture for generations. In Asia, the men are deemed to be the superior sex. The men are the sole bread-winners, and they look for women who can cook, clean and possess child bearing hips. To the women, she feels he is dependable and feels valued and loved. And as he is the provider, she submits and looks up to him.

The Asian society is changing increasingly though… modern women no longer know how to turn on the stove, career women no longer depend on men for their wants, men are getting wiser (stingy?) in splashing their dough on women. And just like how everything is co-related, because of the woman’s independence, she doesn’t necessary look up to him as they traditionally do because she found her own financial independence.

The way I see it, there isn’t the need for the man to pay for everything because the woman is enjoying his company AND multiple orgasms that he gives her. However, it IS chivalry for the man to pay for the date. I think the equation to balancing gender equality is to have men emitting chivalry and the women putting in appreciation.

Instead of pressing bills into her hand, why not give the money straight to the taxi driver?

Memoirs of a Geisha.

I suggest that you do something like this. Track your passport photos, it is quite comical to see how you've grown.

In chronological order: 13, 15 (with braces), 16, 19. I think i looked the best when i was 13, minus the straight mushroom haircut with hairband. When i was 15, i was going for the Jennifer Ainston hairstyle, but it looked greasy. I also started getting teenage acne. At 16, i suddenly became very fair. At 18, probably inspired by ANTM, i wanted to give the "smize" eyes and lips parted head shot. Eyebrows overplucked, hideous.

My last passport photo was taken when i was 19. My head loked big. I noticed that my eyes seemed to have grown bigger, and my double eyelids formed. Now, you can tell if someone has surgically created double eyelids because i saw one (she confessed). When their eyes are closed, there is not a crease at the eyelid but a very prominent deep cut/scar across the eyelids. So anyway, i think its age and gravity that is pulling my eyelids over, forming a deeper crease. I remember when i was 16, i tried using those double eyelid tape. But i was never merticulous in dolling up, so i never knew how to really paste it (even now, i can't do fake eyelashes perfectly). When i went to my grandma's place, my kid cousin asked my uncle "why jie jie stick sticker on her eye?" Damn ma lu (embarassing) lah...bad influence to young kids. Jie Jie is vain.

As i said, i'm never merticulous in applying make-up, my mascara ALWAYS smudges and i don't care. I have all these dark lines across my eyelids, but i never bother cleaning them up because i feel, when your eyes are open, who can see?! And you will never be closing your eyes when you're outside...

And i remember once, my male supervisor (30 years old) at my internship ( i was 18) asked me in front of everybody..."Eh, what's that on your eye? Did you draw the PANDA eyes on purpose?" I wanted to dig a hole or throw a plate at him.

As i grow another year older, i look back at 2009 (time flies!) and realised that life is full of experiences.

I did my scuba license in 2008, and overcame my fear for the water (sort of). There's a picture of me taking my regulator out (terrifying moment!), and i doubt i will ever do that again (dare not).

And my first sky dive in 2007 (i'll do this again!) in New Zealand ( i love this place!).

I love the picture on the left. Very candid. And i laugh, as if the instructor will be afraid! Such an actor.

In 2007,I did my shark dive before i even had my scuba license. It was so freaking cold (or was it fear?) that my teeth couldn't stop chattering under the sea. I was so focused on breathing through the air-tank that i couldn't really marvel at the huge tiger sharks!

In 2004, I did my bungee jump in Lake Taopo, New Zealand. This is worse than sky diving. Because i am not strapped on to an instructor, and therefore have to take the leap of faith MYSELF. I nearly backed out, until the instructor pushed me (ok, nudged. It's a big no-no to push anyone off.)

In 2007, i climbed a glacier.

I need my adrenaline for 2009! Where's my adrenaline! The year is ending, i am supposed to swim with the crocodiles in Darwin, but i am stuck here. Boo hoo hoo :(

This birthday, i really want to appreciate my family. My dad who paid for my sky-dive, my bungee jump and supported me in whatever i wanted to do. My mum for giving me my pleasant looks and teaching me all the traits of a good housewife. My brothers for being my protector and best friends.

Alot has happened in 2009. Probably the most dramatic year. Still, i think they're experiences that made me live life.

Waking up beside.

They say its very important to know who you're waking up next to. You might think you're bringing back a hot chick, with her perfect curls, wide eyes and flawless skin. Will it be the same the next morning? You can't just switch off the lights (as men says), because when sun rise, light hits. Unless you're dating a vampire, she disappears before dawn breaks.

 

I know of a girl who is 24/7 preened. When it came to a camp, we were excited that we finally get a chance to see her naked (face, that is)! Alas, during camp, she was the first to wake up and the last to sleep.

The reality is, we all don't wake up like in the movies. You have morning breath and eye "shit" (what is it really called? Mak Sai.) maybe. For some, the out-of-bed hair looks great, for others its an afro. The nicest thing about waking up together is to be able to look into that face stripped of artificials, and say I love you.

P.S Or you can peel an apple (do not break skin!) in front of the mirror at midnight. You'll supposedly see your future wife/husband (no make-up, i presume).

Are products with bad spelling safe to use?

Look what i found in Ivan's drawer. I wonder if you get wet dreams if you apply before bed.
Must be from his girlfriend. It's still 3/4 full, guess my brother is not so horny after all :P

What sort of Person are you?

Stare at the picture, did your eyebrow raise?

If you are hum sup, tee ko or plain dirty minded..you would have thought you seen that pink girl's ass.

It is, in fact the white girl's shoulder.

Long Distance.

I was never skeptical about long distance relationships. If there is daily communication, it feels as if you never left. Just like the relationship between you and God. Only thing is, God don't fail. Humans do.

Do you get tongue tied with phone sex? :P

 

Photographed by Dominic Khoo, www.whatisthesight.com

The Ears that Smile.

The weekend before my birthday, i started with a luxurious hair trim + treatment, then a body massage+ scrub and lugged 2 pairs of shoes, 6 new peices of clothing and 2 pairs of earrings. Twas are the biggest and grandest birthday presents i have got, from myself to myself. I hardly even noticed the boyfriend wasn't in town. Like how men puts soccer above women, women put shopping above men. Hehehe...

They're not even real diamonds, but man they cost a bomb! Oh well, a little bit of Me-Love.

I also made an impulsive purchase on air tickets to Vietnam! I am getting really excited about it. Seaside town, here i come!

My Favourites.

These pictures were done virtually with no digital imaging, no fancy lights, no hair stylist and no make-up artist (unless you consider the salesgirl at Ion). I applauded myself for being cheapo in walking into one of those make-up stores and pretended to enquire about their eyeshadows only to lament i don't know how to apply! The salesgirl then very helpfully taught me how to apply on myself. I got a free eye "make-over" (perfect since i have this shoot) and a lesson learnt in make-up. So it helps that i'm a cheap-skate, overlooking the fact i'm quite an idiot at make-up and computers!

 

 

 

Photographed by Dominic Khoo, www.whatisthesight.com

My Profession.

I am not a model, although many people insist/ guess/ suggest I am. As for the fancy pictures, I just like collecting them. It’s like a hobby- to immortalize my youth, to track my growing up. I have only allowed 2 close friends to photograph me, because I don’t believe in being free.

I have had done some commercial jobs here & there. It was a quick easy buck; the highest was a thousand a day. But I loathe going for castings. Especially when they’re at some ulu industrial area and if you asked how to get there via public transport, they give you the snub. I refuse to take taxis, unless absolutely necessary usually (by the way, I often wonder if a woman is giving birth soon, and the husband doesn’t drive. Will any taxi take her, in case her blood stains his seats?)

I never really pursued modeling, mainly because I never really wanted it that bad. I don’t need men to worship the ground I walk, but just my boyfriend to appreciate my beauty (in and out). I ponder over how everyone on the streets can call themselves a model. It’s like the quality (looks department) of the SIA girls- going downhill. To me, unless you’re paid thousands for a job, then you’re a model. Not getting $35 per hour for Club Snap wannabes to shoot you, or $30 for a road show. But, in Singapore…that’s how the market goes. For a model (real or not), $400-$500 for a half day TVC, $700-$800 for a full day. $150 for an editorial, $300 if you’re in bikini or on the cover. It’s not that much, compared to what the European models can. The market in this industry has gone down a lot. Some guy on FB asked me if I want to participate in a Bachelor’s Party on a boat. The boys just want a visual fest, and I get $200 per hour. That is even more than the commercial market rates I just mentioned above!
However, even doing the commercial shoots IS more than what an office lady get in a day. I calculated. In my first job after graduation, I effectively earn $6.70 per hour. How pathetic! Then in my second job, I effectively earn $16.75, I gave up calculating after that (can never beat the modeling rate).
Then we talk about the “friends” you make in this industry. You can hardly make real friends because girls are girls. But vain girls are worse. Not only are they fake, they tend to make use of people and the world revolves around just them. Shyanne is the only true friend whom I’ve made out of all these “model-ly” stuff (it was some pageant.) I really thought she ought to win the crown, but luck was on my side that day. We became friends only after I sold her some of my prizes. Hahaha! Then, she opened my eyes to cheap sexy lingerie (the ones that sell for $2 at a neighbourhood but $12 at Far East) and ankle boots (ok, I regretted this purchase though). She is selfless, and always there to listen. Bonus, she’s hot too.

So, that’s my only hot friend, from this “business” really. The others are acquaintances, girls whom I wouldn’t even really match-make with my male friends because I think they’re not worthy other than having the looks. But to give some credit, some ARE pretty AND nice. But like a butterfly, they flit around so I can’t get to know them enough. I do think there’re the rare breeds, but maybe I don’t know enough because I am not in the “business” enough. Thankfully, I have no qualms being alone, or without girlfriends. I don’t need someone to accompany me to do my manicures, facials, shopping or toilets. I have more male friends than female friends, and I enjoy their company just as much. Dicks are much more fun anyway (I do have a friend named Dick). There’s nothing to fight for (therefore no back-stabbing), there’s no need to peacock (different gender), and you get special treatment! (Because you are the girl)

Another reason why I never wanted this “business” so badly was also because I wanted to stay true. I wanted to be myself. Looking at this picture, a high-end fashion photographer told me my legs are FAT (the right word is toned I think), my arms are ALSO fat (the right word is also toned I think). And I am too tanned.

I love to eat, I love sports, and I love the sun and the sea. I am far from being Size 0. I remember nearing the finals; our coach gave us individual evaluations. Luke came to me, and said “I don’t see you wanting this very badly. The other girls are anxiously losing weight, and you? You don’t look any different from when you begin.” I was appalled. I was 47kg, then? Definitely the heaviest. I cannot not eat. After having lunch, I am thinking about dinner. After dinner, I think about what’s tomorrow’s lunch.
Which reminds me, I need to go think for tomorrow!

Being Asian.

I like tickling foreigners by enlightening them abit of my Chinese culture.

On Superstitions

If you're pregnant, use of glue will cause a difficult birth.

After leaving a wake, do not go straight home lest the ghost of the dead follows you.

Clipping toenails or fingernails at night is bad luck; the person will be visited by a ghost.

Tie a banana fibre to the bed post and a female ghost will come to commsumate with you at night.

( A friend's friend (again this story) tried this out, and it really did happen. He enjoyed it (akin a wet dream), only to find after that fateful night, he suffers errectile dysfunction. He visited a bomboh and gave offerings to the banana tree to appease the violated spirit.

Now, what if the banana you bought was imported from California or somewhere far? How would you know which tree the banana is from if you picked it from NTUC?

5. Never point at the moon or your ears might get chopped off.

Tried this, didn't happen.

6. Don't remove pubic hairs as it will take away the wealth of your man.

Believe it or not.

Do Something Today!

Let's take any Higher Power out, for argument's sake. We don't get to choose to be born in the slums, to be born in Singapore or to be porn as Paris Hilton.

I was reminded of that when i attended Social Icon, a conference where they bring like-minded people together. People who are social entrepeuners (a for-profit business with a social mission), people who belive in social service. It is encouraging, to see selfless people still exist, when often it is inculcated that Singaporeans are a selfish bunch.

 We were given goodie bags where paintings were individually drawn on each bag. I was eyeing this one the Uncle had across the room. It's the nicest i have seen (2 doves above a sunset) , mine had some large flowers painted on. People would say it's nice too, but i wasn't much of a flower fan.

The conference wanted to make a statement- that we didn't get to choose how we're born.
Therefore, they drew lots in the hall and segmented the rich, the poor and the middle class. This, affects LUNCH. The one thing Singaporeans all look forward to during courses and seminars and all other sort of events, and the one thing that we unknowingly take for granted.

People who got black tags were served a 10 course meal, complete with servers and silvery cutlery.

The middle class got buffet, like most of us Singaporeans.

Guess which class i fall into?

The lowest class. We were served soya bean milk (my favourite anyway) and porridge with PEANUTS! It's the watery kind somemore! And we had to sit on these tin cans and wooden crates. Here i was all dressed nicely in my shirt and a-line skirt, but i had to stoop low and sit on the crate for my lunch. Good thing i didn't get any splinters.

I looked greedy, going for 3 rounds of porridge (it was a puny bowl!) and 2 cups of soya milk.

But as the "poor" look over longingly at the "rich", sipping his soya milk, we realised we are fortunate enough to even be able to eat porridge! It was in fact, actually quite yummy despite being watery and plain.

So, if it takes alot of will power to step out of your comfort zone to do something about poverty. Or you don't have money to give to the poor. Here's what i searched out and joined.

Scribbly Friends! Basically, you write to children/ teenagers from poor countries around Asia to help them practice their English and to also be some sort of a friend via penmanship. You don't have to give any money, the only money you will spend are for your writing materials.

I like writing, and i love receiving snail mail. I still have some left over fancy papers + stickers from my school days, so i enrolled. I will be writing to pen pals like Jonathan Pineda, who is 15 years old and from the Philippines. Before being picked up by Tiwala (an association, i presume), he lived on the street collecting cans and other metals to sell. Ever the avid artist, Jonathan’s arresting drawings reflect his memories of living on the streets.

His name sounds handsome enough, who knows...he might fall in love with me over writing and one day become a successful artist and track me down in Singapore to propose!

That's besides the fact that i am almost a decade older, and besides the fact that i don't think you write to them directly with your personal mailing address (stalkers alert!).

Sign up, not because i did, but because you want to make a difference!

Asian Horror

You know, i always thought Asian horror flicks beat Hollywood ones hands down in the eerie factor. Is that why hundreds of people come out on October the 30th and none during the Hungry Ghost Festival?

Mimolette started their party on the eve, and i was there for a friend's farewell.

His last chance for Asian boobs.

Spock was the coolest guy there. And judging by my costume, i probably could pass off as some alien on board.

I was a puppy!! But no one could tell. Although many girls fawned over me, thinking i was adorable.

We actually crashed a house party, virtually knowing no one there.

Called our friends over, but decided to leave when the cops are here.

 The next night i was a pussy cat.

Adopted by Muthu who is engrossed in texting.

Geek of the night actually hooked up a TV that displays his face!

Butter kept everyone waiting outside. By the time we got into the club, the club was so empty and boring. Took awhile for the club to fill up. That's not a very good idea of making your club look "wanted" because the queue outside actually turns away alot more people who hopped oer to Zouk or somewhere else.

I was stoked about going out for Halloween, as i've always missed the previous years (since i turned legal) due to unforseen(hospitalisation)/forseen(exams) circumstances. This year, i finally get to go out. And i was disappointed. It wasn't really anything but a huge costume fest. I was in bed by midnight (how loser! Haha.) Clubbing is really not my thing.